my babies have died
#229572 - 12/06/05 07:32 AM
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michele
Reged: 06/02/03
Posts: 6886
Loc: southeastern michigan
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Please forgive my typing but I can't see through my tears. We went in for a routine ultrasound this morning and saw 2 perfectly formed little babies, with no heartbeats. They have no explanation as to why the babies have died. Surgery is scheduled for Wednesday. I will probably be off line until Monday. I am devastated. Please send me and Will the streagnth to get through this. I am sitting in my office alone crying. We have patients to see later and with the way my boss reacted to me taking Friday off for the funeral of my friend, he sure isn't going to be happy to here I will also be gone tomorrow and Thursday. Why is this happening to me. Why do my babies die? I can't take anymore.
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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This absolutely breaks my heart to hear this 
I am so, so sorry for your loss.
I certainly hope your boss will be understanding.
Sending you and your husband strength; you are definitely in my thoughts.
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oh, michele, i am so, so sorry. i can't even begin to imagine. sending lots of love and healing and hope your way.
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jaime
ibs-a (mostly d) // vegetarian
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Michele, I just cannot express how deeply sorry I am for you, sweetie. You poor thing. I just wish we could make this better for you.
I don't know what to say. I am just so, so, sorry.
Can't you go home for the day..and be with Will or family? I just hate the thought of you sitting in your office having to deal with this horrible event all by yourself.
I will pray that God gives you and Will the strength and comfort that you so need during this time.
I'm just so very sorry. Please don't worry about your boss. He has no heart if he gets upset because you need to take time off.
Know that you are loved, and that we mourn for your loss. This is just so unfair. Please try and take of yourself. I love you and just want to rock you in my arms.
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~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!
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Oh Michele I am can't even tell you how sorry I am for you and Will. I am just shocked that this has happened again and when things were going so well! I wish I knew what to say but I don't think there's anything other than to pray for strength for you both at this time and lots and lots of love. I'm so sorry and please let us know how you're doing when you feel up to it.
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Michele, my heart extends condolences to you and your husband.
I am very sorry for your loss.
Kate.
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Oh my god Michele. That's devastating news. I am so sad for you and Will. 
I wish you all the strength in the world sweetie.
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Oh Michele
#229587 - 12/06/05 08:29 AM
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atomic rose
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 7013
Loc: Maine (IBS-A stable since July '05!)
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My heart is just breaking for you. I'm so, so sorry.
Sending you all the strength in the world. *hugs*
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You and Will are in my thoughts. *HUGS*
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Melissa
Friendship is thicker than blood. ~Rent
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I don't even know what to say. I am praying for you and Will. I hope that God can give you both the strength to get through this. My heart goes out to you both.
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Oh Michele honey I'm so sorry.... I'm in tears here myself while reading your post. I will be praying for both you and Will to have the stregth to make it past this very tough time in your lives. Hopefully your boss will be understanding.....{{big tight hugs}}
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www.facebook.com/shell.marr
www.myspace.com/shellmarr
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I couldn't even read the post at first in hope that my eyes were fooling me.
I cannot beleive that this has happened again sweetheart. My heart is breaking for both you and Will. These were the most loved babies in the world.
My heart goes out to you, and I wish you and your husband all the strength I have. I am so sorry Michele
Is there anyway that Will and your family can come be with you right now?
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one more thing..
It breaks my heart to hear you say that you can't take it anymore. I can't even begin to feel the pain and disapointment you must be feeling. Please remember that you have a lot of support both here, through your friends, family and Will. I know it must be insanely hard to take, but take care of yourself. I'm sure that all members of the board would agree.. we love you and you'll be in our thoughts.
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God is Faithful!
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Oh, Michelle. My heart is breaking for you. You and Will are in my deepest thoughts and prayers. I pray that God gives you both the strength to endure this.
My heartfelt sympathy,
Kristine
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Michele
#229601 - 12/06/05 09:06 AM
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I am so sorry Michele. We're all praying for you and Will, an so are your little angels.
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Amanda
I live in the Big Apple, but I don't eat the skin
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Michele, I am in tears for you...my heart is breaking. I've been checking in on the boards every day to follow your progress. I couldn't even read the subject line properly. Michele, you are so in my thoughts, I am sending you all the strength I can. Words cannot describe how I am feeling for you and Will right now. I am so so so sorry this has happened to you :-(
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Feel the fear and do it anyway!
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Oh, Michelle....I feel so bad for you. It is like those babies belong to all of us. We all love you and are praying for you to get through this.
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Carol
nós somos o que nós somos e o descanso é merda
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I'm at a loss of words  .......My heart aches soo badly for you right now........(grabbing my box of tissues!! )
I am like Ashely. I couldn't even read this post without thinking my eyes were fooling me.
Sending you and Will BIG HUGS as well as my thoughts and prayers. I will pray to God that He will give you and Will the Strength to endure. First your best friend, and now you. I wish there was something I could do to help ease the pain.
Love,
Michelle
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IBS-D. Hiatal Hernia, GERD
Unstable
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Michelle I am so sorry! Though I don't know you I feel terrible for your loss and will be thinking of you!
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I'm just devastated. It was the hardest thing to look at my two babies on the screen and be able to see there little fingers, arm, legs, I mean like looked just little little sleeping babies. I kept telling the dr that they were just sleeping and that we had to be wrong, that they couldn't be dead. They just kept telling me they were sorry. I feel like such a failure, why can't I grow my babies? I feel so terrible for Will, he deserves so much better than this. We both wanted these babies more than anything in the world. How am I supposed to deal with this. So many bad things have happened in the last couple of years that I'm just drained. I feel all my streagnth is used up.
How am I supposed to handle the funeral on Friday?? I can't possibly bring Jessica any more pain right now. She was so happy for us and we even started calling her Auntie Jessica. I still look very much pregnant. The dr's said something about a LOT of edema in there while doing the ultrasound but I can't imagine all my belly is going to magically dissapear overnight. Its just cruel to still look pregnant, feel pregnant and have to sit here knowing my babies are dead inside of me. I don't think I'm sucidal, I couldn't put Will through that right now but I just don't see how I'm going to go on. Do I just try to pretend everything is ok at the funeral for the sake of Jessica or do I tell her??? Why is this happening to me again, what did I do to deserve such pain????
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Michelle, I was terribly saddened to hear about your loss. You and Will are in my thoughts during this difficult time.
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There are no words are there? I am so sorry. I read a book once where a man claims he went to heaven and though I think it is far fetched I believe he had a dream that was so realistic he feels that he was there.
Anyway, he said that there is a field of babies that were miscarried or terminated essentially waiting for their moms to come to heaven and claim them. I too have lost babies and hope that the field exists...when the time comes, I can go and claim them, love on them and so forth.
Michelle...I wish I knew what to say. I am so sorry.
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Have a blessed day!...Rachel
stable and sooooooo thankful!
I have IBS but it doesn't have me!
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Michele, i'm so sorry to hear this i wansn't even sure if it was your post that i was reading, i had to read it at least 5 times, look at your picture, and make sure i wasn't reading it wrong....like I'M in shock. and i can't imagine how you must feel and all i know what to say is sorry...and what i tell most people when they lose a loved one....
people say it's in a plan...i say it's b.s. some things happen, with no reason...and it happens to the strong, the weak, everyone. I really wish this hadn't happened...because one we were at the same times almost...and two i can feel the pain...i honestly can, as every woman, mom or not probably can feel it....
i know no words can help you right now, but know we are all here in your corner, supporting you, and holding you up if you can't stay up yourself...we've all been through some kind of devistation...some kind of loss so i know we are all here for you. i know there isn't much we can do via internet...but know i for one truely truely feel for you, and if there is anything i can do to help you...(i don't know what...but it dons't matter)...let me know....i mean that with all sincerity, because i don't say things ever unless i mean it.
much love, and sending strength to carry on...
we love you
Lyndsey
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Christie
~Hoping and Praying for Sleep!~
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I am speechless. I'm sooooo sorry to hear this. I was so excited for you. I am praying that the Lord will bring you great comfort during this. Don't worry about your boss. Don't even give him a second thought. I wish I could do something more for you. Again, I am sooo sorry.
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Kiwi
IBS-C
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I must go. She was going to be Auntie Jessica after all. Do I tell her what has happened and cause her more grief or do I just try to act like everything is ok?? Its selfish but I want to call and tell her so she can comfort me but I know she is suffering her own pain right now and its not fair. How can I be there for her when I'm hurting so. I just can't believe the world is so cruel. I hope Rachel is right and I will get to meet my babies one day. I don't know what I would do without all of you here.
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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call it horemones, but i find myself crying for your pain...i'm so sorry you have to go through this...i don't know the story on your other pregnancies...but please dont blame yourself.
i can see how you would feel like it was YOU who couldn't keep them alive, as mothers, we tend to blame ourselves even if it's not our fault....
i honestly hurt for you...i'm so sorry...so sad...i really can't even imagine. then your best friend going through a loss...to top everything off...it's very caring of you to be concerned about your friend..and how she feels...but if you don't tell her...and she says something about the babies, that'll just cause even more devistation to the situation. you both have a loss, and are both allowed to grieve.
i can't imagine looking into the screen and hearing the dreaded words no mother wants to hear...and showing...etc...neither you nor will deserve it...don't just say he deserves better...its NOT YOUR FAULT. There is no one to blame, especially not you...you are far from needing the blame...focus on yourslef, remember your friend has family and friends who care about her. and probalby you too...people are usually open and warm to help family and loved ones.
again, i'm so sorry, and again my thoughts are with you completely...i really really feel for you. i don't even know you in person...but i know you are a beautiful person...when life sucks for me (i've been through alot my life....more than most 24 year olds) i say to myself "this too will pass" not so much for your loss...but the pain will dullen a little, and family and friends will be an amaazing support...and still we are here for you too
take care of yourself...we care about you
Love
Lyndsey
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You have every right to grieve...and be downright PO'ed about your loss. I am so sad and angry...Carol said it so well, it is as if the babies somehow belonged to all of us. I have been there as you know and feel your pain...you have my phone number, please call me if you need someone to cry with. I have already started....
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Have a blessed day!...Rachel
stable and sooooooo thankful!
I have IBS but it doesn't have me!
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I can't imagine.. if you need anything, let me know... you're not that far away.. but all I can offer for now is prayers and *HUG*s I know how hard losing each of my pregnancies was and none of them was twins, nor had I gone through as much to get there as you have!
Amie
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Dietetics Student (anticipating RD exam in Aug 2010)
IBS - A
Dairy Allergic
Fructose and MSG intollerant
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Both of you need each other right now. You need to comfort one another so you can get through this together, not alone. But, it's up to you. I think it will be much harder on you if you keep it bottled up inside of you.
Honey, I wish I knew why this happened. You are too sweet to have to endure so much pain. I don't think you deserve this at all.......But, please know that God is in control. He is in control at all times. Let Him help you get through this......
I'm serious, you need to take some time off. Have you told your boss, yet?? I cannot imagine you sitting in an office right now having to mourn for your loss. You should be with family right now so they can help you just get through the rest of the day. Let alone tomorrow.....
Sending you my thoughts and prayers!!
Michelle 
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IBS-D. Hiatal Hernia, GERD
Unstable
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Michele, I am SOOOOO sorry. This is horrible news. I honestly don't have words to help you through this. Please know that we all on the Board are sending you all our thoughts and prayers.
Bless you.
Bev
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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Michele, there are no words. I'm sending you an angel~
~nelly~ *tears*
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Michele
#229645 - 12/06/05 11:39 AM
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Stephie
Reged: 03/10/04
Posts: 2696
Loc: Vancouver, Canada
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Michele,
I am so so so incredibly sorry. Like everyone else, I had to read the title several times and double check to make sure this is correct.
I can't imagine what you are going through, I agree that it is just cruel that this is happening to you.
I am sending all my thoughts and strength your way at this difficult time. I know that you will get through this, we will be here for you whatever we can do.
**hugs**
Love, Steph
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~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.
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I don't even know how to express how sorry I am that this had to happen to you, Will, and your babies. My mouth dropped open at the subject line and my heart broke once I read your post. Just know that we are all here for you.
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- Jennifer
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Michele.. I know how hard it will be for you to tell your friend especially at this time. At first, I was going to say wait until after the funeral.. but its true that someone might mention something about you being pregant there as well to try to lighten the already sad sad mood at a funeral. That may make it much much worse for you. In that case, you should probably forewarn her. I'm so sorry you have to do this in the first place.
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Michele,
I'm so sorry... The loss of your precious babies is so very sad. You have my prayers for the strength to get through this.
Barbie
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Ohmigod!
#229683 - 12/06/05 12:50 PM
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Linz
Reged: 09/01/03
Posts: 8242
Loc: England
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I'm crying too. I'm so so so sorry. I can't believe this. This is the worst thing. I'm so sad for you.
We have GOT to get you to a specialist doc to get all all disorders sorted. I'll try and find some info on connective tissue disease.
I'm so sorry. I know it won't help one jot, but I am crying with you.
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Hi Michele,
I was absolutely stunned when I read your post. I am so sorry for you and your husband, I know how much you want to be a Mom and this is so unfair!
Jenn
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I cannot tell you how sorry I am. It's so unfair. I would confide in your friend. Let yourselves support each other - that's what friends are for. Don't hide it from her - would you have wanted her to hide her fiance's death for your sake?
You need all the support you can get right now.
DO NOT blame yourself. There are things in this world we can't explain. It's not your fault. Also, I hope your DR can recommend some type of support group for you - or a counselor or some sort.
I love you. We are all here for you. If there is ANYTHING that I can do, let me know.
Hugs and love and strength,
Alicia.
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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Oh, Michele! I am so so very sorry. I will be thinking of you and your husband during this difficult time. I am so sorry. *gentle hugs*
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Oh, Michele
#229707 - 12/06/05 01:59 PM
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BL
Reged: 06/01/03
Posts: 3522
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I cannot believe this. I have been offline since early this morning, and I could not believe my eyes when I read this. I know you are in so much pain. What a shock that must have been to you to hear that from the doctor this morning! I know how much you and Will wanted these babies. It is so unfair. You have been through so much!
This would be horrible to go through any time, but I know it's especially painful for you since you are trying to comfort your friend, Jessica, in her time of loss. If you need her for support now, I wouldn't hesitate to tell her now. The two of you need each other for support. That's what good friends are for!
I don't know what else to say except that I will be praying for you and Will. You will get through this. You have friends and family that you can lean on, and you know we are all here to give you all the love and support you need. Although we all cannot be there in person with you, rest assurred that we are all in this with you. I wish I could just give you a big hug. I love you and pray that God will give you strength in the next couple of days, because I know those will be especially difficult.
Sending you a ((((big hug)))).
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I'm so sad for your loss. I have been praying for you for months now and I will continue to do so. This is such a hard time for and your husband. This along with your friends fiance. What a tuff time. I truly am so sorry for all of your losses. I really feel like I know you Michele...and I'm so sad for you and all the pain you have been through.
Much love and sympathy.
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My heart goes out to you and your hubby. I am so sorry Michelle. Please know my thoughts are with you.
I am sending your huge internet hugs and will send your thoughts of strength for the next few days.
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Lana_Marie
Proud Mommy to Bentley Taylor
Born May 12, 2004 9lbs, 3oz
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one more thing to add. I think that you should tell your friend now. She needs to know and I think she would want you to tell her. After all you two are best friends. You are both going through a very awful time right now. You two need each others love and support.
Again, I'm so sorry Michele. I wish I lived close to you so I could come help you. BIG HUGS!
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Oh no....
#229719 - 12/06/05 02:25 PM
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Heather
Reged: 12/09/02
Posts: 7799
Loc: Seattle, WA
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Michelle, I am so, so sorry, my heart just goes out to you. Sending you all my love, and hope, and hugs, and you will surely be in my thoughts and prayers.
XXXXXOOOOOO
Heather
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Heather is the Administrator of the IBS Message Boards. She is the author of Eating for IBS and The First Year: IBS, and the CEO of Heather's Tummy Care. Join her IBS Newsletter. Meet Heather on Facebook!
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Dear Michelle,
I am SO, SO endlessly sorry! I cannot immagine what you are going through. I pray you continue to feel God's love and that he will comfort you and comfort Will and that you and Will can comfort each other together. As soon as I saw your subject line I started crying too, and called a few people who will have others pray for you and for Will. If it is any comfort, LOTS of people are praying for you.
So many of us have been checking your posts every day - we will still be checking - let us know how you are doing because we will worry about you - we love you!
With prayers,
Mindy
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I will be praying for you every day. the good thing is you can always try again.I'm truley am so sorry i'll pray. it makes me sad when babies die i have to go get tissue paper to wipe my tears away
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Puppies Are Cute But I'm Cuter
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Michele
#229739 - 12/06/05 04:10 PM
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lj
Reged: 09/24/04
Posts: 179
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Michele,
I know you don't know me, but like others, I have been following your story for a long time. I was shocked at what you said and I've been crying off and on all day. Everyone on this board cares about you. I pray that you will find the strength to get through this. I know you will because you are an extraordinary person. We are all so sorry Michele.
Laura
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Everything in life happens for a reason, patience will eventually tell us what that is......
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I am weeping for you and praying for you. Hugs are not enough. I don't know what else to say. I will pray for you and Will continually.
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Take care,
Michelle
...the greatest of these is LOVE. (I Cor 13)
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how awful this is! My heart aches for you!!!!!! God will get you through this. For some reason this has happened and no one will ever know but God. It is saddening to know that something like this can happen to such good people....
My prayers are with you and your husband. Please, please don't give up Michelle! Time will heal the pain.
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~~~Lisa~~~
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Michele
#229770 - 12/06/05 06:29 PM
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MissS
Reged: 02/11/04
Posts: 837
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I'm so, so sorry to hear about this. My heart truly goes out to you.
Terri
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This is so horrible. I am so so sorry. Please tell your friend. Both of you need each other very much right now.
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jen
"It's one of the most serious things that can possibly happen to one in a battle -- to get one's head cut off." -- LC
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Oh Michele, I'm so sorry. You and Will will certainly be in my prayers. I hope you can help each other through this.
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"Anyone can exercise, but this kind of lethargy takes real discipline." -Garfield
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Michele,
I am so, so sorry for your devastating loss. My heart hurts so badly for you.
I don't know what else to say, other than we are all here to listen.
Again, I'm very sorry and sending you lots of thoughts, prayers, and hugs.
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Christine
Those who can do; those who want it done better teach.
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I'm very sorry about your loss.
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I wasn't on line yesterday at all...
I just came on to check and when I saw the subject line, my heart sank thinking "Tell me it's not true!!"
I am literally shedding tears for you *hugs*
Michele. We all love you. *hugs*
I have no words...only tears and heartache for your loss *hugs*
Please lean on us right now.
We love you.
I'm so sorry....
Take care of yourself....
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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Michele I am so sorry about yours and Will's lost. My heart aches for you two and you are in my thoughts and prayers.
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I am so sorry! My heart is broken for you too. You and your family are in my prayers. I'll be sure to say a prayer at church on Sunday for you too.
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Cheers!
Sher
IBS-A
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That is SO iunfair! Why is it the wonderful ladies who want babies the most never get the chance? I don't even know where to begin, but just sending my love.....
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Keep on keepin' on...
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I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I am also sorry that I missed it. I haven't been to work since October so I haven't had a chance to get back on the boards. Will give more info on that later. I will certainly keep you and Will in my prayers. I know that you need them. Email me at [Email]lovejoy_22@hotmail.com [Email] if you need anything at all.
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lovejoy_22
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Michelle,
I just saw this post and wanted to let you know how very sorry I am for you and your husbands loss.
Terry
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