I need a hug
#193302 - 07/08/05 12:44 PM
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I've fallen into another depression. I don't quite know how it happened. I didn't recognize the warning signs. This new med change isn't working. I have a Doctor's appointment next Wednesday and I'm going to ask to switch meds and go on a stronger dose. The OCD is getting worse, too. I'm shaking, having panic attacks, I can't eat, I'm super nauseous ALL the time to the point that if I don't have a piece of gum in my mouth I'm gagging, my IBS is back, the list goes on. I feel like I'm falling apart. I called practically everyone I know and they're all busy or not answering their phone, so I can't get anyone to come over right now. I called my husband and he's 2 hours away and I feel like I'm about to have a meltdown. Hubby is on his way home, though. I feel like a failure. I feel like a horrible mother. I fell asleep last night during the dinner hour and didn't even feed my poor children supper until late! I feel so awful about it. What kind of mother falls asleep on her children? What if something had happened to them while I was asleep? To top it all off, I'm starting to have suicidal thoughts (don't worry, I PROMISE I won't do anything). I feel so horrible. Hugs, please.
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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First, you are NOT a horrible mother. You are a mother who is also dealing with her own health, and don't play the what if game. It usually just ends up making things worse.
Second, you just need to get through until your doctor's appt on Wednesday. You said Hubby's coming home, which is a good thing. Maybe see if another family member or friend can give you a hand with things Monday and Tuesday? If not, please don't be too hard on yourself, and try to take care of yourself!
Lots of love!
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Melissa
Friendship is thicker than blood. ~Rent
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((((((((HUGS))))))))). Have you changed anything you were taking or doing? You aren't pregnant right? Don't beat yourself up about it. We all have times and days like that. Our children survive and won't even remember. I remember taking allergy medicine and just getting all shaky and tired and I was getting so frustrated when my girls were your kids ages. We all can have days like that ever once in a while. Your little ones did fine and I'm sure they would have let you know if there was a problem. They just seem to. I believe God protects them because we just can't be there to protect them all the time. Praying for you.
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{{{{hugs}}}} ...total sympathy hon. I'm a bit crap at seeing the warning signs too.
And you are a fantastic Mom!  Mom's are allowed to sleep, ya know?
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How I WISH I were there to hug you in person! We could hug, watch movies, drink tea, play with your kids, go to the prak (if it's not too hot!) and talk!
We could BOTH use it right now!
I am SO glad you are going to the doc Wed. Can you make it till then! I wish I had money...I would call you right away! I might have to find a way to visit Canada...I feel like half my family is there! Any way you might be coming my way soon?  
I love you Alicia! No doubt about it! You are one of the most wonderful people in the world! I know nothing I can say will help right now. But I will tell you what hubby told me that is allowing me to get through until I see my therapist on Monday. "It will pass". These feelings always DO pass. Often not very quickly...but if I hang on long enough...they do. (Sometimes months btw!)
We are all here for you Alicia! We ALL love you and want you to THRIVE and be HAPPY *hugs* Keep us posted. We LOVE hearing from you! And you have my e-mail...(if you don't hear back from me right away is it because Shabbos is a coming!)
I love you LOTS and I hope you feel BETTER SOON!
Sending you light that you can SEE/FEEL, love that you can KNOW and the knowledge of how SPECIAL you are,
Ruchie
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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Alicia! hold it right there! You are a FANTASTIC MOM! and WIFE! And FRIEND! I am GLAD you fel asleep if you needed it! And hubby loves you so much he is coming home!
You are an INCREDIBLE SOUL Alicia! Every bit of you is filled with love, giving, kindness, and GOODNESS! I wish you could see the LIGHT you shine forth...we all do!
Please keep posting and reaching out to us! We love you!
Ruch
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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GIRL. I am SO sorry! I wish I lived closer and could come and help you. You are a WONDERFUL mom, don't ever say you're not. I can tell by the way you talk about your kids how much you love them and would do anything for them! My gosh, everyone falls asleep, you didn't do it on purpose!!
I'm glad your hubby is on his way home...
I'm so sorry  You helped me out so much and now I wish there was something I could do! Have you done the hypno tapes?? Sometimes I just pop one in when I'm feeling really anxious or can't sleep, just to relax me.
Take it easy, hopefully a new med will help. Talk to your doctor, and get support from your hubby. We love you! Those kids love you to death. <<Big hugs>>
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~Cara~
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I don't know you yet, but I am sure you are a great mother or else you wouldn't care so much. Panic attacks are the worst !!!! I feel so bad for you. Hopefully your husband will be there soon and give you a break and maybe a massage or something to soothe your nerves. 
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Carol
nós somos o que nós somos e o descanso é merda
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Alicia,
I am so sorry that you are going through all of this right now and can't get a hold of anyone to help.
All mother's doubt themselves at some time or another, it is natural. You are not a bad mother and the kids probably thought it was great to eat late. You just did things the Spanish way. They very rarely eat dinner before 10:00 pm every night.
I am glad that your husband is coming home to you. He sounds like a wonderful person and very supportive.
I will be praying for you. Try not to be so hard on yourself.
Lots of hugs,
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Janey
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GREAT BIG BEAR HUGS FOR YOU!!
I'm also squeezing some "strength" into ya during the hugs!!
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www.facebook.com/shell.marr
www.myspace.com/shellmarr
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Alicia
#193342 - 07/08/05 01:44 PM
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BL
Reged: 06/01/03
Posts: 3522
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I'm so sorry you're feeling this down. Believe me, I know exactly how you feel. The shaking, the panic attacks, the not eating---I've experienced it all. And for some reason, when this happens, you don't want to be alone, so I understand your need to have someone to be with you. I'm sorry there's no one available right now, but your husband is on his way home and should be there soon!
You are a terrific mother and you will get through this. These feelings WILL PASS. Just keep telling yourself that this is temporary. Your precious kids love you and need you.
You know we would all be there if we could. Just imagine, about 40 women from the IBS board packed into your living room. We would give you big hugs, cry with you, hold and play with your kids, and we would make some food that was so delicious you would not be able to resist it!
Can you imagine us all there? (Do you have enough seating for all of us? Oh heck, we could all just sit on the floor.)
You are an amazing person, and you've been such a source of strength to many of us. We love you and want you to get better soon.
Hang in there! When hubby gets home, fill up the tub and take a bubble bath---or crawl in the bed, if that will make you feel better.
In the meantime, turn on some nice music, call a friend, read a magazine, or heck, read all of our responses, over and over again!
I'll be praying for you. (((Big hugs))))
BL
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you're not a failure, you're just going through a rough spot. Hold on to whoever you can!! Sometimes that's all we can do....
Ginger
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Big big big hugs Alicia! I hope you start feeling better soon.
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~ Rachel (IBS-C)
If life hands you lemons, make lemonade!!
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I'm sorry, I've been very busy at work today and just saw this. I'm so sorry you are feeling bad. Don't ever think you're a bad mother though, I only wish I had a mother as great as you!!
I hope the dr's appt next week goes well and they find a better combination of medications to help you. Is there any way they can see you any earlier?
Hang in there, lots of love and big hugs!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Oh hon! I feel so terrible for you! I hope you are going to be ok!! I don't know what to say except you are a great mom!!! You wouldn't have felt guilty about falling asleep if you weren't. Bad moms would have told their kids to suck it up and their fine without supper. Good mommies apologize for their mistakes and give their kiddos a hug (which I'm sure you did) Bad wives get mad at their husbands and yell when they finally get home. Good wives phone their hubbies and admit they need help from them.
You are a good person, you will be ok. But If I were you - call the doctors as soon as possible and get in there for an appointment - your health cannot wait until the weekend and into next week.
Take care of yourself ASAP.
((HUUGS)))
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Lana_Marie
Proud Mommy to Bentley Taylor
Born May 12, 2004 9lbs, 3oz
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I think everyone else has said everything I was going to so I'll just repeat that you always have friends here on the boards to support you no matter what.
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- Jennifer
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You are not a failure as a person or a mother! Your kids will be fine. They #1 won't starve cause you fed them late and #2 they obviously knew mommy needed to rest and they behaved since nothing happened. Kids can sense this even if they are young.
So glad hubby came home for you. I know you must have fought yourself with asking him to come home. I would have too but sometimes just having someone around makes one feel much better.
Please, please don't get down on yourself. This is just a bad day. Tomorrow is another day and you are doing the right thing with checking with the doctor about a new dose of medication. He will fix you don't worry!!!! This time next week you'll be feeling much better. Just give yourself some time and some slack!!!!!
Take care of yourself Alica!!!!!!
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~~~Lisa~~~
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Oh Alicia, I am so sorry you are going through this!
I don't know what else to add to what everyone else already said, but know that you are in my thoughts and I hope you get some help ASAP so you can start feeling better right away!!
**huge hugs**
--Steph
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~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.
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Alicia,
I'm so sorry you are having a tough time of it. I understand about the panic attacks because I get them, too.
Please take care of yourself.......You are a strong person and will pull yourself out of this. Hopefully the doc will give you some new meds and you will feel so much better.
Hugs
Barbie
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Oh hon..
#193555 - 07/09/05 05:49 AM
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ecmmbm
Reged: 02/23/03
Posts: 1622
Loc: North Carolina
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Big big hugs and many prayers. Get some help!!! You'll get through this!
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Take care,
Michelle
...the greatest of these is LOVE. (I Cor 13)
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Hope you're feeling better soon!
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Praying that you're finding some peace/relief. Keep in touch, we're always here no matter HOW you feel! Hugs again.
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Take care,
Michelle
...the greatest of these is LOVE. (I Cor 13)
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HUGS Alicia. Sorry this is late, somehow I missed your post yesterday I hope you're feeling a little better today. Sounds like we're going through a bit of the same thing...so take the advice you gave me and be sure to take care of yourself!!!
Please don't feel bad about falling asleep, it happens and I'm sure your kids understand. I don't have kids, but if I did they'd probably never eat! I fall asleep at the worst times with no warning.
Please hang in there, we're here for you. Hope your doc appointment goes well and they can give you something to help you.
Kelly
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Alicia how are you doing today? Hope you are doing better this weekend. You are in my thoughts and prayers and lots of Hugs your way.
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Thanks to all who have responded. I'm not feeling any better and I'm getting scared. I think I'm going to go to the hospital today. I'l post again as soon as I can. Hugs, Alicia.
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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Alicia
#193764 - 07/10/05 07:21 AM
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MissS
Reged: 02/11/04
Posts: 837
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I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through. You helped me so much when I was so worried about my daughter and her baby. You were crucial in getting me through that!
My son-in-law has been having similar problems as you describe. That "dark world" is absolutely horrible and scary!
I think going to the hospital is an excellent idea. Wednesday is a long time to wait, feeling the way you do.
Hoping and praying for you,
Terri
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Sweet Alicia
#193775 - 07/10/05 08:14 AM
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Augie
Reged: 10/27/04
Posts: 5807
Loc: Illinois
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I am so sorry you are hurting so deeply emotionally. I've been very worried about you.
I am praying that you find the comfort and help you deserve. If you feel it is best to go to the hospital, that is probably the safest place for you to be. I remember how emotionally safe I felt when I was hospitalized for my anorexia...I felt that I would finally not be alone and that it was all being taken away from me as others "took over" and made decisions for my health when I was unable to take care of my own body and mind.
Not only are the hospital staff able to get your meds adjusted, but just the fact that you won't have to be worrying about the everyday life stresses on top of all this medical stuff is helpful as well. You won't have to deal with shopping, cooking, bill paying, cleaning, etc...for a short time you can just focus on Alicia and getting yourself back on track!
Please let us know what you decide to do, if you can. I have you in my thoughts, sweetie.
Hugs, kisses, and love to you.
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~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!
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I don't know what to say...except you are very brave! I am praying for you and I LOVE YOU ALICIA! *hugs* *hugs* *hugs*
*hugs*
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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I'm sorry to respond so late with hugs! And I'm sorry you're feeling so terrible. Please know that you're not a bad mother, NOT a bad person. I'm glad you've decided to go to the hospital and get help; I know it's a difficult decision, but a good first step when you're feeling so horrible. Please keep us updated! I'll be thinking of you! *hugs*
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Go, get help, you WILL COME THROUGH THIS but do what you need to, in order to take care of yourself. That is the best thing you can do for your children, husband, and everyone who loves you. Please keep us up as you can. HUGS
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Take care,
Michelle
...the greatest of these is LOVE. (I Cor 13)
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Oh Alicia I just read this and I hope that you are getting the help you need. You are such a strong person on the boards and also have such comforting and smart advice for all of us. Take care of yourself and remember we are all here for you. Sending big (((((((((((HUGS))))))))))) your way and I am keeping you in my prayers!
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Has anyone heard from Alicia??? How is she doing?? I hope she checks this soon and lets us know how she is feeling!
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Lana_Marie
Proud Mommy to Bentley Taylor
Born May 12, 2004 9lbs, 3oz
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i'm sorry to hear your having a tough time i've been having problems this week too, and i feel you we all have thoughs of guilt....especialy when it comes to motherhood....i was 19 when i had mine, and with a jerk of a guy....so that guilt stays with me all the time, but you can be the worlds best mommy...and still think you suck....just because thats how our minds work! i'm sorry about the ocd...i know that is tough, i don't know first hand, but what i have learned in classes, it's a hard thing to deal with......it's hard when "normal" people around you with "normal" bodies are around you and can't always understand how you feel.....but thats what we are here for!! i've found such great support here, and i hope you have as well!! (((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))) again
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Oh no
#194031 - 07/11/05 06:58 AM
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Here's a big fat Canadian ((((((((((HUG))))))))).
Feel better soon!
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~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!
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~Cara~
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Re: HanSolo
#194077 - 07/11/05 08:15 AM
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michele
Reged: 06/02/03
Posts: 6886
Loc: southeastern michigan
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Just checking to see how you were today? I was off-line for the weekend and was thinking about you. Please let us know you are ok. Big hugs
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Michele
#194084 - 07/11/05 08:31 AM
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BL
Reged: 06/01/03
Posts: 3522
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Allicia posted yesterday that she was not any better and that she was going to the hospital. We haven't heard anything since. I pray that she is ok.
How was your weekend at the B& B? Did you start on Brooke Shield's book?
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Take care,
Michelle
...the greatest of these is LOVE. (I Cor 13)
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please let me know if there's anything I can do for you. You've got my info, just let me know...
Hugs and kisses to you,
H
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Heather is the Administrator of the IBS Message Boards. She is the author of Eating for IBS and The First Year: IBS, and the CEO of Heather's Tummy Care. Join her IBS Newsletter. Meet Heather on Facebook!
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I am so incredibly worried about her too!! Seriously I pray that she is in the hospital and not something worse has happened.
I wish that we could get ahold of her!!
*Everyone join me in sending warm thoughts Alicia's way*
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Lana_Marie
Proud Mommy to Bentley Taylor
Born May 12, 2004 9lbs, 3oz
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I so hope she's okay. Isn't it scary what our own bodies can do to us? 
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I'm so worried about her. I sent her an email yesterday and haven't heard at all from her. If anyone has her phone number, please give her a quick call and let us all know she is ok.
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Take care,
Michelle
...the greatest of these is LOVE. (I Cor 13)
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I don't know if it would be going too far but I live VERY close to the town Alicia lives in and her # would be in my phonebook if you know her last name?
For her own privacy you could e-mail me if you like and I will try and look it up for you
b e t h u w o@yahoo.com (no spaces)
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Microscopic Colitis, IBS-A, GERD, Hiatal Hernia
Bethany, Ontario, Canada
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Hugs, Alicia. I know--it's hard. You're really zapped. 2 kids can be pretty demanding and I know you strive to do your best! Isn't depression an emotional vampire? How can we lose the virus? And then there's the gag-reflex, the nausea, etc.
It's like perpetual traveller's sickness and yet you're still in the same place! Sometimes even driving a car makes me want to vomit!
Hugs, honey. You just sound so indigo. I'm sending you some pink. (P.S. I know about the gum thing and I'm that way sometimes too when I'm nauseated--I just need some gum!)
Keep reaching out and communicating.
Kate/Wind.
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I'm sure she has contact info from either when she signed up on the boards or maybe even ordered things from Heather. Isn't she one of the board moderators? Who contacts Heather for us, don't we have people who do that for us?
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Take care,
Michelle
...the greatest of these is LOVE. (I Cor 13)
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I'm concerned about her too. Her last post did make it sound like she was going to a hospital though, so hopefully she's just checked herself in for a few days and that's why we haven't heard from her.
I think someone else in my area offered to do this already but can't find the post, if anyone knows her last name I could try and see if she's listed in the local phonebook...I guess someone could also try calling the hospitals, there are only a few around here...but I don't know how that works (i.e. if they would tell us anything).
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I really really hope she is in the hospital, and that is why she hasn't had the time to respond! I am very worried about her too
Please if anyone can get ahold of her, let us know asap!!
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~Cara~
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