help - emotional support
#7399 - 04/25/03 11:56 PM
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i'm having a horrible time emotionally. even though my symptoms are gradually getting less frequent, i'm still having the hardest time leaving my house. i've missed weeks of school (combined) and i'll be graduating 2 months late at least. i really love being there when i'm there, but I just can't get myself out of bed in the morning, and even when I wkae up on time and get ready, I can't get myself out of the house. I think I've left my house twice this week total, once to check my mail and once to get groceries. I'm just scared and weak and I don't know what to do to break this cycle. I really want to go to school, but something is keeping me from being myself. And it hurts me emotionally because I feel stuck and I don't know how to change this pattern.
what the smack should i do?
beth
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Beth honey, I wish I knew what to tell you. Something inside must be "eating at you" besides the IBS. Some good concentrated psycho-analysis on yourself - what do I feel? when do I feel it? what am I afraid of? what do I want from others? It's really good when someone helps you, someone who knows you well enough to say, "You know it seems to me..." I'm in a weird state right now, too, but Mom (mother in law and trusted friend) is helping me work through it all, plus I've actually (imagine??) spent some time talking to my husband about it. But my "stuff" isn't exhibiting itself like yours, while you don't want to leave the house, I want to restrict my eating irrationally. So ridiculous, but really just a symptom, not the real problem. I suspect the same is true of you.
Hugs to you, talk to us to help work out whatever it is, and I'll pray for you too!
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Take care,
Michelle
...the greatest of these is LOVE. (I Cor 13)
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Beth,
I feel so sorry for your suffering. IBS can be a hard coaster to ride, but you just have to remember that your cycles have to subside some time. Have you talked to a doctor at all on this? Maybe he/she can put you on some kindof medication to at least subside the pain.
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-Angela
Healed in Jesus' Name 
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Rachel,
I can fully understand all the emotions that you are going through right now. Suffering from IBS is not only physical stress on the body but emotional stress on the spirit. If you are a physical person I would suggest that you possibly begin walking in place at home or doing stretches, this will help to release any tension you may feel in your limbs. I know what it is like feeling like there is no hope and fearful anxious thoughts.
You must stop and take an inventory of your emotions. Look at them and try to change your mode of thinking. Here is a poem that I wrote a while back when I felt hopeless, please read it over and I do hope it helps:
Please answer my prayer,
Take this worrisome spirit,
Far from my reach,
Let your love stretch far about me,
Send your angels to lend me comfort,
Oh Dear Lord I know you are there.
Dear Lord my God,
Please don't let this worry conquer me,
By faith I know you are in control,
For you are my rock and my foundation,
On you I keep my focus,
For Satan has no foothold,
For I hold to your promises faithfully.
Dear Lord my God,
Your wisdom knows no bound,
Your perfect love drives out my fear,
Your grace helps me accept things I cannot change,
My effort is fruitless because it is your plan,
When chaos ensues remind me of your perfect grace,
Then through that I know that utter peace will be found.
I do not know if you are a Christian, but I had to share this with you Rachel. God bless.
Kyangel
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I understand where you're coming from. I've been terrified of going to the movies, eating at restaurants, tons of normal everyday activities, but the fear is subsiding. At my worst point, it was hard to get up, and even grocery shopping was intimidating. I've just been forcing myself to do things that make me uncomfortable a little at a time and it's getting tons better. I don't overdo it, because stress is my biggest trigger, but I push the boundries a little more each time.
Hang in there, and remember it could be worse. (I'm 6 years late graduating and still struggling to finish... pathetic!)
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-h2
"Soluble fiber not included."
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Hi Beth,
You poor thing! I hope things get better for you soon.
I was where you are a year and half ago. Getting out of bed was diffcult and all I did was sleep. Thank goodness was husband was unemployed at the time because I couldn't take care of my children. Between being sick and dealing with personal issues it took a toal on me emotionally. I approached my Doc. and asked him for an Anit-D. He put me on two different ones in the beginning and now I only take 20 mg. of Paxil a day.
Like Michelle said, take an inventory of what is going on your life and talk to your Doc. about your depression. Couseling is a good idea too. It took eight sessions with a counselor to figure out what was going on and I was able to make changes in my life. I feel so much better!!!
Take care and hugs to you!
Barb
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thanks to all of you.
i'm really not keen on the idea of taking an anti-depressant, because i always have such horrible reactions to medication. even the lowest dose of bentyl made me woozy. :-/ i have a few bottles of different meds that i've tried for a few weeks and then just couldn't handle anymore. i think that's part of the problem... my meds made me so tired when i started taking them and i'd stay home way too much and now it's become a pattern, even though i don't take them anymore.
also, i have ibs-a, so basically when i have d i don't get enough nutrients absorbed and when i have c my body is tired from the toxins that are supposed to be leaving my body but aren't. so either one drains me out. ugh.
the feelings i have include: frustration, sadness, anxiety, anxiousness (not quite the same as anxiety... more like i feel like i want to do something and can't... like i'm waiting for something, sort of... restlessness), fatigue, low self-esteem, fear, and feelings of failure.
i feel like there is a BIG struggle between my mental and emotional capacities, and what my body will allow me to do. i feel like if i was healthy, i could take on the world, but i'm trapped in my house and wasting away instead. but somehow that still doesn't get me out the front door.
my boyfriend has been AMAZINGLY supportive. but everyone else that i'm close to lives at least a 16 hour drive away. and the poor man has to take all my venting and crying by himself. and i hate doing that to him. i just don't have a group of friends here. i had a few and they moved. and now i'm pretty much alone all the time. and since i'm a social person, it's really not good for me.
i've tried meeting people... i even went to a few different churches (even though i'm not a christian) just to meet some people. and i just didn't click with anyone. i made a few friends at work and then had to leave because of problems between me and my boss. it's just been so hard to make and keep friends, and i haven't had this problem before. it leaves me feeling lonely and frustrated and like i have a very limited amount of outlets for all these emotions.
thanks for listening/reading my extremely long post.
beth
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Hey, I'm completely with you. I had just moved to Chicago not half a year before my symptoms got really bad -- sounds a lot like what you're going through -- terrified to leave the house, even to get groceries or other necessities. Thankfully I have a 3-mile drive to work, but even that was exceptionally stressful -- I don't think I could have done it if it was longer.
Going through the whole thing alone was the hardest part of my life (so far) -- my family would call and be supportive, but the distance made things hard. I hadn't become close to anyone at the time so I felt completely isolated. However, things did get better -- I went through about two to three weeks of the worse part, and then several months of pretty bad, but then things almost inperceptibly over time became better. Not to say that everything is awesome, but at least I feel somewhat functional most of the time.
So I guess I'm saying what everyone else is -- just hang in there!! Things will be better with time.
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thanks! i'm so glad someone has survived this. 
beth
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Beth,
I am SO SORRY you're going through this *hugs* I also am not to keen on the med thing...I'm a natural gal...so I do a lot of soul searching, talking it out with my husband, and I research. I let out a whole bunch ofstuff tonight with my hubby...it was SO HARD...but I think he has a better understanding of where I'm coming from (always a good thing)  I find that sometimes if I talk to him, like someone else suggested talking with someone who knows you well (I htink it was Michelle), I learn a great deal about what's going on inside me.
IBS bings you down...but it makes ya stronger too! There's a saying "G-d only gives us what we can handle". We must be special people if we're being given all this sorrow in life...G-d thinks we can handle a LOT! (I try and tell myself this when things get really bad).
I hope this helps...and please know you're NOT alone! I am also going through an emotional upset...still trying to figure out what's wrong with me...and I used to be very social before IBS took it's toll (I'm working on it)!
Many ((((hugs))) and well wishes....feel better soon......
Ruchie
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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Beth, I also have recently moved - end of the summer, and I am just now realizing how much of an affect it had on me. I spend SO much time alone, Eric is wonderful but he's gone at work sometimes 14 hours a day. Like you I've made a real effort to make friends and people are nice, but I don't feel like I quite fit in. I think that can be our own perception - we do fear failure, so if people don't obviously LIKE us then we perceive that as they DISLIKE us, when it's not even true really. The whole need to succeed thing is big with me too. I'm learning though!! I agree that your boyfriend can be a great sounding board, but you can overwhelm that relationship, it would be great if there were one other person, someone very wise and who you knows cares for you. I surprisingly found this person to be my mother in law!! (MOM) I'll pray that you find that person in your life too, to help sort all this out. It's amazing how much TALKING about stuff makes you feel better even when the circumstances haven't changed.
Hugs!!!!!!!!!
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Take care,
Michelle
...the greatest of these is LOVE. (I Cor 13)
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Thanks again to all of you... it feels good to be less alone. Anyone live in Florida???
love
beth
p.s. today was an okay day. sat around inside a lot like usual but was not so sad.
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Hey there,
I hope you are finding the emotional support you need on this board. We are so lucky to have found understanding and compassionate people here.
I read your message and really felt for you. I haven't been through this, but have a family member who is like this at times (but it's part of a bigger psychological problem).
My tips to you through learning alongside her is: one of the best things she ever did within herself was to write a journal. Each day she would write her feelings - and it became an outlet for her. Going back over the journal entries, you may also be able to piece together some reasons why you are feeling this way or what is preventing you from going out.
Secondly, her best support (apart from family) is her cat! I know this may sound odd, but she has a cat and feels so comforted just being near it and having that unconditional love. It is also soothing in helping you find some companionship and something to care for whilst in the house.
Finally, don't put too many expectations on yourself. Take small steps for now. Don't try to solve the big picture, but rather, give yourself a small goal for the day, eg Today I will go outside and check the mail. If you can do this, then feel proud of yourself: it's the small steps that will ultimately lead you back on right track.
I hope this has helped and feel free to talk about it more. I'm here (and so are many others) for you.
TLC
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thanks!!
i DO have a cat! and she's great. her name is Niko. i think i'd be totally nuts by now without her.
thanks EVERYONE for helping me so much. i'm working hard at each day as i get to it.
love
beth
p.s. i went to visit my great aunt today. and got some sunburn! she bothered me for being so pale... that's what i get for being a hermit
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If you ever need someone to chat with I am around hon. I know what it is like having the emotional stress of this disease, I had a minor attack with my bowels this morning and I was ready to give up.
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Cats are the best! I have a pair. Gataki is sitting on top of the moniter now for me. (He holds it down so it dosen't run away while I am typing. So helpful!)
I don't live in Florida, but I wish I did. *waiting for it to get warm up here in Ohio*
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-h2
"Soluble fiber not included."
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Don't feel bad for pale. My family and friends call me Vampira because I'm so white. I even live near the beach. I am also headed to Flordia on Sunday I also have a cat, she's the greatest. I've had her longer than hubby. She sleeps on a shelf of my computer desk when I'm in the computer room. We have two more cats outside that wondered up with their mama when they were kittens, we feed them, and they stayed.
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Laurie
Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission - Eleanor Roosevelt
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I have a cat too - His name is Carter and he is spoiled rotten! If you put your nose to his he will rub it back and forth like an eskimo kiss. It took me forever to teach him this. Oh yah - and he can also fetch! And I never even taught him this he just knew how.
I love my kitten! 
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Lana_Marie
Proud Mommy to Bentley Taylor
Born May 12, 2004 9lbs, 3oz
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There's definitely nothing wrong with being pale! I got teased for this in high school too. One of my friends would come up to me in the hall, grab my wrist, and pretend to take my pulse because I was so pale he thought I might be dead! The girl with the locker next to mine went to tanning beds every single day year round. She was the tannest girl in school, and she loved to compare her arm to mine to see how dark she was. But I got the last laugh, because by the time we graduated her skin looked like luggage and she had wrinkles at age 18.
We need little buttons to wear in the summer..."stark white and proud of it" or something. I'd rather be white than bright red from a sunburn any day.
- H
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Heather is the Administrator of the IBS Message Boards. She is the author of Eating for IBS and The First Year: IBS, and the CEO of Heather's Tummy Care. Join her IBS Newsletter. Meet Heather on Facebook!
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Okay, now I dont think ANYONE is paler than I am, lol. I think I may be the whitest girl in school! My friends are constantly making sure im not "dead" and asking me if i ever go out in the daylight. lol. The worst part is my best friend is african american, so whenever me and her walk in the halls together, i feel as if i am glowing. lol 
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-Angela
Healed in Jesus' Name
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Awwwwwwwww! I want a cat!!!!!!!!!!! (My hubby doesn't....)
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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My inside cat, Bobbie (she has no tail), couldn't learn a trick if her life depended on it. The cool thing she does is lay on her back in the bed, she sits like a human on the couch (I have pics if you don't believe), and she meows to me "MaMa" she only makes that meow to me.She's to lazy to fetch. You can usually find her in the computer room with me, in our bed, or on the arm of the couch next to me. She does like to walk to the dog and head butt her so the dog will lick her head.
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Laurie
Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission - Eleanor Roosevelt
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What's worse is my sister is a tanner. My Dad has a lot Irish in him and my Mom has a lot of Cherokee. My Mom and Sister tan and have an olive complexion. My Dad and I don't tan and are pale. I wouldn't mind being pale if it was the creamy milky color, but my paleness is pinkish. Oh well, I would much rather be pale and wrinkle free. I'm almost 28 and they just now stopped carding me when I buy my hubby's cigarettes.
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Laurie
Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission - Eleanor Roosevelt
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oh, i'm not ashamed of being pale. but i do feel like for being in florida i look like a vampire ;-) and beyond that, my great aunt is the darkest caucasian i've ever seen. you wouldn't believe it. she seriously looks like she is african, except for her facial features are shaped like a european. but her skin is SOOO dark. she's been on the beach (she has an oceanfront condo) from 9 am - 4 pm every day of every summer for longer than i've been alive, i think... and i've been around 21 years. so next to her, ANYONE looks like a ghost. it amazes me that she hasn't gotten skin cancer yet.
i talked to my parents about my psychological/emotional problems today, and they're going to help me find a counselor. one more step in the right direction...
beth
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I'm really pleased your parents are supportive about this. Having a close group of networks is fantastic for you. I hope you are doing ok and keep us posted.
I have a ginger cat who's aptly named "Simba" from the Lion King as he has a huge ginger maine! He's totally spoilt - sleeps with us, comes up for snugglies and is always getting special treats
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I just wanted to comment and tell you Laurie how much you look like my friend Jennifer here in Canada.
They say everyone has a twin and I have definately found yours LOL
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Lana_Marie
Proud Mommy to Bentley Taylor
Born May 12, 2004 9lbs, 3oz
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LOL Lana, funny you say that everyone has a twin. I think I'm a set of Quadruplets or Qunituplets. When I was going to college there were two girls that looked like they could be my twin. So now there are at least 4. Creepy!!  LOL
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Laurie
Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission - Eleanor Roosevelt
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That's so funny! When I first saw your pic, I thought you looked familiar, but I couldn't figure out who you reminded me of! LOL And, I never thought that about anyone else's pic on the board!
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I guess I just have one of those faces. I look familiar to everyone. People have stared at me since high school and I guess they are trying to figure out if they know me or not.
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Laurie
Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission - Eleanor Roosevelt
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