Your parents
#65338 - 04/27/04 03:30 PM
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Linz
Reged: 09/01/03
Posts: 8242
Loc: England
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Hmmm... I get what your Mum's saying, but stabilising your IBS will make gaining weight so much easier.
There've been a few people on here before who've got seriously underweight...sometimes cos they scared of what food will do to them and so avoid it all. Is this like you?
You really can put on loads of weight and still eat IBS safe foods. Eating frequently is the key - and this is something that will help your IBS as I mentioned before. It's why so many of us on here need to LOSE weight - we've put loads on with this diet. Oops  . Since getting IBS, I've GAINED 20 pounds. And that's without trying!
With trigger foods, it's true that not everyone has the same triggers. HOWEVER, the exceptions are just people who are lucky enough to tolerate some triggers, like maybe a little dairy. Heather has done loads of research into this. It's NOT just a fad-like diet.
Can you ask you Mum to log on to the board, so we can chat? You could set up a username for her so she doesn't have to bother with all that.
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Your parents (and doctor) need to be aware of, and understand, the dietary restrictions of IBS. Have your parents log on to this site and read through the IBS diet section. Get the book The First Year: IBS (order from this site or get a copy at your library) and have your parents read it, then take it to your doctor and show him/her the dietary chapter. Show them the dietary articles in the IBS research library here on the boards, that prove fats are a tremendous trigger for IBS.
It is impossible to gain weight by eating foods that make you physically ill. While your parents cannot force feed you, they can cause you such tremendous mental distress about this issue that you end up in even worse health, and they need to realize this. Simply putting you in a position where you are constantly arguing with them about what you can and cannot eat is surely not helping you - can they log on to this message board and see these posts?
There is also some info in the diet FAQ on gaining weight here Weight Gain
Best,
Heather
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Heather is the Administrator of the IBS Message Boards. She is the author of Eating for IBS and The First Year: IBS, and the CEO of Heather's Tummy Care. Join her IBS Newsletter. Meet Heather on Facebook!
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have you asked them for certain foods? you need to take some control here. the reason i asked how old you are is because if you are over 18 then you can make your own decisions. at this point, i'm assuming you're younger than 18, especially if they're talking about putting you into the hospital.
ok, so let's make a plan! you give them a list of foods that you want and that you will eat and ask them to buy them for you. make a contract with them that you will eat a certain number of calories a day, but on your terms food-choice wise. see if they'll agree with that. i am assuming if they're all up in arms about Anorexia then your doctor has told your parents how many calories you should be taking in. make a meal plan that is IBS safe and will get you up to that many calories.
there is soy ice cream. if they want you to have donuts, tell them you'll have soy ice cream in single serving amounts (too much is still too high in fat) instead. or you can eat sorbet. i love sorbet with a tiny bit of Hershey's chocolate sauce drizzled on top! make a banana split!
tell them you want a loaf of French bread in the house at all times and some jam. snack on that.
tell them you'll have some pasta noodles with some sauce (get a recipe off the recipe boards)
i have a great recipe for pumpkin cheesecake. ask someone to make that for you.
how about asking for some jelly beans and some jolly ranchers or some lifesavers? granted, sugar ain't great for you, but it's calories and may appease your parents that you're not just refusing to eat at all.
there are tons of recipes on the boards. go surf over there and find stuff that you can eat....
i mentioned soy powders to make shakes/smoothies... make sure they don't have lactose, but those have calories. add bananas and other fruits to up the calories. toss a little honey in for some extra calories and for a little more energy.
if you go to them calmly with a plan, maybe they'll listen?? i'll be blunt: 30-40 pounds underweight is a considerable amount of weight to have lost. i do not blame them at all for thinking that you have eating issues. hopefully you're being honest with us and with them and with yourself and it's "just" the IBS that's causing a problem. if so, you need to fight the war they've started by getting as much control as you can by trying to plan your own meals and reaching the daily calorie goal they have set for you. tell them you know they are acting out of love and concern, but you are acting out of concern, too- concern that you'll loose even more weight by being sick from foods that you believe are harmful to you, concern that you're hurting your parents by making them worry, concern that you are too thin! have you asked if you can see a dietician to help you plan meals? a dietician may be able to look over Heather's plan and help you get your calories in a safe manner...
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Thank you. I wish my parents would listen to you and not the stupid doctor! I have to get 1800 calories a day all of a sudden and my parents are obsessed with the foods with fat. Maybe we can make up a menu together. I'll eat every 2 hours (which is what I do now.) I like these foods, but maybe you have even more suggestions.
• Potato and Onion Pierogies (VERY GOOD FOR ME/MY FAVORITE DINNER FOOD WITH BROCCOLI)
• White Rice
• Frozen Dinners (like chicken chow mein and penne with tomato sauce)
• Potatoes
• Rice Krispies
• Special K
• Corn Flakes
• Snapple a Day
• Broccoli
• Mushrooms
• Peppridge Farm Plain Bagels
• Some Whole Wheat Bread
• White Bread
• Vegetarian Bologna
• Vegetarian Meatballs
• Rice Frozen Dinner thing with vegetables from food emporium
• Almonds
• Carrots
• Rice Cakes
• Sushi
• Cucumber
• Shrimp Cocktail
• WOW chips
• Pretzels
• Spinach
• Dried Mango
• Dried Apricot
• Dried Peach
• Dates(Sort of)
• Mango and Peach Applesauce
• Peanuts
• Cashew Nuts
• Macadamia Nuts
• Pepita Nuts
• Sunflower Seeds
• Grapes
• Artichokes
• Peeled Apple
• Tangarine
• Ginger
• Pasta
• Beets
• Dark Red Kidney Beans
• Turkey
• Veggie Burger
• Crackers
• Chicken and Vegetable Dumplings
• Oat Bar
• Cream of Wheat w/ water (kinda heavy)
• Cream of Rice (Might hurt me less than cream of wheat and rice is good for me I'd like to try it)
• Dried Apples
• Tuna
• Minestrone soup
• Immitation Crab Meat
• Jell-O
• Swedish Fish
• Marshmallows
• Jelly Beans
• Pear
• Watermelon
• Soy Pudding
• Raw Fish
Also do you have any recipes for pasta sauce?
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This sounds positive! Just a few things I saw in there and thought uh-oh about...
• Broccoli
• Spinach
• Dried Mango
• Dried Apricot
• Dried Peach
• Dates(Sort of)
• Beets
• Dark Red Kidney Beans
• Some Whole Wheat Bread
Ie. the fruit/veg and insoluble fibre. Are you IBS-C? Even if you are, then you need to be careful with insoluble fibre - make sure its well cooked and eat it after soluble fibre, or preferably in a soup or smoothie.
Some ideas of my own...
• ADBs (very yummy and so easy to make).
• Tuna rolls made with low-fat mayo.
• Avocado (relatively high in fat for a veggie but very safe and a great way to add calories to sandwiches/rolls or as a snack).
• Butternut squash pasta sauce.
• Soy milkshakes.
• Protein protein to put in soy milk.
• Soy cheese.
Good luck. Hope we can help.
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good lord, that's a great range of foods! why are these people freakin'?????
i'm at work and while i CAN goof off quite a bit at work, i think i'd serve you and my job better if i helped you with this after work.  i'll catch ya later.
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Oooh, you may want to switch from WOW chips to baked chips. Fake fat is no friend to the IBS colon!
Have you looked at all the recipes on the recipe board? Could you find some of the quick bread recipes you could make on your own or with your parents? Also, have you tried the amazake rice drinks? www.amazake.net 400 calories per bottle and pretty yummy!
Oooh, as for pasta sauces, I just get organic ones with low fat. Or my husband just throws in a bunch of yummy things like Italian tuna and capers with a tiny bit of olive oil with the pasta....
--AC
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Hi itsnotfair,
I am sorry you have to go through this. I read your post yesterday but felt too sick to sit up at the computer and respond, but today, even though I still feel awful, I told myself that I have to respond because about a month ago, I was kind of in your position. I was not forty pounds underweight, but, I was being forced to eat foods that hurt me. Naturally I just started to hate food (how can you learn to like something that hurts you?) It was an abusive relationship,let's put it that way. Anyhow, after all of the tests were negative, the GI doctor had already had me taking benefiber but just told my parents that I could eat whatever I wanted and that lots of kids my age have lots of stress. My parents interpreted that as "force feed her because food is not what is causing the pain." My parents just thought that I was being irrational, but there was a method to my madness...just nobody would believe me. Okay, I'm rambling. So, my parents would sit me at the table and not let me leave until I finished a whole big plate of something I knew would hurt me. And when I just went to eat the bread, they got mad at me and said it had no vitamins in it and I shouldn't waste room in my stomach with the bread. Now, you might look at this like they're mean, but they saw their daughter "wasting away" before them ( I'm not underweight but have lost at least 30 pounds) and they were just scared. The old school way to fatten someone up is to force feed 'em.
OK, so, there's a point to my post..sorry for the rambling. When I hit just about rock bottom when my parents were forcing me to eat stuff and I didn't have a choice, it was just awful. So I just called them at work and told them "I'm crazy. I need to go to a psychiatrist or psychologist. I mean I must be crazy." To my surprise, my mom was like "no, you aren't crazy." So, here's my thought. Are you going to a psychiatrist/therapist right now? If you aren't, ask to go to one. It's kind of like a reverse psychology thing on your parents. Your parents will think that you are finally giving in and realizing that you are anorexic (i know you aren't) so they'll probably bring you to one. Do you have a printer at home? Well, once you go to the psychiatrist, I'm sure that they'll see you alone for at least part of the session or most of it...maybe all of it. So, print out a bunch of the info from Heather's site (trigger foods, how you can gain weight, anything that you think would help prove your point). Then bring that to the psychiatrist/therapist appt. In my experience, they want to make sure that they aren't overlooking any physical problem. So, show them the info and explain them the difficulty you are having. Tell them that you know it may seem crazy, but you have started to dislike food so much because it hurts. Tell them if you start to eat foods that "break the cycle" you will be more stabilized, you won't dread eating, your stomach won't be empty as much, and you'll have fewer attacks. I'm sure they'd be glad to help work this out for you. So anyhow, I found the site and told my parents about it. Anyhow, now I am on the mend. I have my own shelf in the pantry for safety foods and my parents now accept my whole eating situation. But the main thing that I care about is that I get to eat my safe foods. It doesn't matter what they think...as long as they don't force you to do something that hurts. Because if someone doesn't experience something like this, they have no idea. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. It may take some strategy to get there but you'll get there! Good luck and I'm sorry you have to go through this. you can email me if you have any questions!
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If you live life to love, you'll love to live life.
Edited by tarabara04 (04/28/04 11:41 AM)
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Tara, that is a GREAT post! Good for you!
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Laura
Keep it simple!
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