IBS Story-Being Bullied and Made To Feel Like A Pre-ma-donnna...How do you deal Heather/others?
#366971 - 03/05/12 08:22 PM
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I wanted to share with you a story. This weekend I helped somebody move. Trying to be proactive, I packed a bag full of canned food and SF staples. This meant I packed heavy and needed a bag check. I also requested I be able to eat lunch and was snacking during the day.
Boy did I get a lot of grief. I was called a retard for packing so much stuff, and being "obsessed" with my stomach. I was told to just drive and not eat lunch, skip it. Worse, last night I asked to have dinner. I was told the only things that would be open would be fast food, and stated my concerns. I was told "Look you can't always at Morton's steak." Low and behold, I try to be a team player, I eat at Arby's, try, try to find something there, like the chicken roast sandwich. What do you know it contains dairy, and I am still paying for it.
Did you ever go through this ****? Amazing, huh? We are called "high maintenance" and made to feel like slackers for having the nerve to request lunch, dinner, and not go 6+ hours between food. We are also meant to feel like brats for not wanting fast food.
I'm curious if you have been through this and how you deal? I have gotten smarted and spoken up, yet still I ate an iffy place last night, giving into pressure, and am paying for it. What advice do you have when dealing in these situations. It gets frustrating dealing with people who see me as a slacker, high maintenance, food obsessed person. Makes me feel like I need to be a team player and I pay.
Please share your advice, your stories, so we can learn how to handle this better.
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Sorry about your experience.....I have been in those kinds of situations many times and it has caused me to give up on socializing anytime I think it involves a meal! I know this is not a good solution, but....even with my family I am considered "high maintenance"...so I usually eat before I go and then just move food around on my plate so they think I'm eating something:( As I said these are not really great solutions, but...I just get so tired of fighting with people who just don't understand. There IS nothing worse than going along with the flow, eating food you know is wrong for you and paying for it later! If it helps, know you are not alone:)
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IBS-D. Eating gluten and dairy free.
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Events like this have cost me friendships and caused problems within the family. It took me years to finally decide I had to stick to the diet no matter what. Now I don't eat at friends places unless they are willing to prepare something I can eat. I even offer to bring my own chicken breast, rice and carrots 
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STABLE: ♂, IBS-D 50+ years - Science of IBS
The FODMAP Approach to Managing IBS Symptoms
Evidence-based Dietary Management of Functional GI Symptoms: The FODMAP Approach
FODMAP Chart & Cheatsheet
The Role of Food & Dietary Intervention in IBS
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ok wow! first off let me confirm you were helping someone move?? doing them a favor and you were treated this way? i have no one in my life who would do this to me, i did i cut them out, i decided that i didn't need their guilt tripping and their judgement, I'm so sorry you went through this, but anyone who treats you this way, and is so insensative to a medical problem that is not your fault is in my oppinion not a freind you need to have. hope your feeling better soon.
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ibc a but c predominent doing hypnotherapy and taking it one day at a time
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Ya know, I just don't get it! If you were to tell someone you had a disease, and the food you eat affects you in a negative way, well that would be all well and good and accepted. What is it about IBS that others just don't get? Do they think you're making this s*** up? Even with feeling very well now, there are things I still just do not eat. And you know what?...tough if others don't like it. It's my life and my body and I just refuse to bow to the pressure. Somtimes you just have to dump a few friends!!!
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or they would care about your health and happiness. The good news is the older you get the easier it is, and the more understanding people become. It's hardest as a child and teenager, a bit better in college and your twenties, and usually pretty good once you're in your late twenties and beyond.
Unfortunately, I don't know a way around it. You just have to do what you did - speak up for yourself, take care of yourself, and if that still doesn't work let your "friends" know you're no longer available to help them, or socialize, or really include them in your life as it is endangering your health and welfare.
True friends will do whatever it takes to help you, not compromise your best efforts.
Best,
Heather
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Heather is the Administrator of the IBS Message Boards. She is the author of Eating for IBS and The First Year: IBS, and the CEO of Heather's Tummy Care. Join her IBS Newsletter. Meet Heather on Facebook!
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really sorry to hear your or anyone else's stories, hugely unfair and of course people that don't understand are not worthy of your friendship.
I've been v lucky cos I'm a girl (and similarly to how in school us girls never got picked on for getting good grades, whereas it was much harder to be a model student and not be bullied if you were a boy!), but one strategy I've employed is changing terminology. With close friends/family I don't mind being remarkably honest regarding digestive issues, but under normal circumstances I don't even say that I have IBS (which often has a stigma attached to it/ people don't even know what it really means). I just say that I have various food intolerances and food sensitivities and I have to follow a strict diet. I usually say that I have to eat v low fat (for normal/average people 20%of your kcal coming from fat is v low fat!) otherwise I get a lot of pain and spasms. I also say that I am lactose intolerant and can't have dairy. This way people have seemed a lot more sympathetic and understanding.
Has anyone you know who has a nut allergy or can't eat eggs ever come in for ridicule??
Eating out can be v tricky, but most people can work wonders with the SFS, avoid difficult FODMAPs and ask for your meal to be virtually fat-free. It is difficult and again I'm afraid it's just easier being female to ask for special diets. That's just people's attitudes or that's how I've experienced it at least. But by adopting the above strategy I have found that most of the embarrassment stemming from IBS having to be explained to the world at large is gone, never say that you have D or C, say you have a great deal of pain or that you're sensitive to what you can and can't eat.
Hope this helps a little bit at least.
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now: stable through EFI+FODMAP dieting (no lactose/no fructose/some fructans and some polyols)
before: IBS-D(pseudo-diarrhoea), bloating, often unbearable pain esp from too much fat: Apr 2007- Dec 2010
FODMAPs: http://www.todaysdietitian.com/newarchives/072710p30.shtml
[I've tried VSL#3 -> I could tolerate v good amounts of IF (even with less SF), it worked great (but overall I find it too expensive)]
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I've definitely encountered this on a smaller scale, and I completely sympathize with you, as it really sucks that people can be so insensitive  . I've had to accept that people that don't have IBS (or any other chronic medical condition) will never understand. I've learned that I have to be my own advocate and always stick up for myself. At first I would feel bad when people gave me a guilt trip, but then I realized that the other people really should feel guilty for treating me with so little consideration. If I'm not comoftable going somewhere, and don't feel I'll be accomodated appropriately, I just don't go. No matter where I go, I always bring my own snacks, and I just pretty much don't eat out at all. I'll eat a baked potato at restaurant but that's it. This might be extreme to others, but it's what makes me comfortable and allows me to avoid situations such as these. I can say you are definitely not alone, and like the others have said, people that treat you this way are not true friends.
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IBS A (more D than C). Severe GERD & Hiatal Hernia as well.
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
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