I wanna be me again!
#3494 - 03/20/03 05:04 PM
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Help! I'm finding it more and more difficult to be social! my nature is to be outgoing--and since the IBS I've suddenly become a hermit  In my community it's not always so simple as bringing my own food--at the Synogagues you are not permitted to bring your own food. Tonight is my friends after-the-wedding party. I missed the wedding because I had just had my colonoscopy and now I'm missing the party. Having IBS has made me kinda blue. I don't feel like myself anymore. I just want to get back to being me--outgoing! Any ideas on how to get back on track to being my old self?
I suppose I could have eaten before the party tonight--but I was so anxious! What if people asked me why I wasn't eating? Eating at these dinners are a big deal and it definately would have been noted! I find myself avoiding situations because I'm anxious.
Thanks for listening!
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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I can relate! Sometimes I get so depressed/frustrated/angry/etc. because I want me back--my social me. I'm thinking about trying the tapes for this, but that's a whole other story...
Anyway, since these are your friends, did they know you didn't go because you just had your colonoscopy? Do they know about your situation? If they do, then just explain. Maybe they would understand.
I myself had a similar situation a few months back. My family was having a party, which I went to, & my family knows nothing about my IBS. My parents know, but not cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. I could not bear to deal with them if they did. They are bad enough without knowing! I do love them, don't get me wrong, but they are very loud & obnoxious. Me, I'm a very quiet & shy & private type of person. I don't think they mean it or even realize it, but they are very rude. Anyway, a few of them started harassing me about not eating, so finally after awhile, one started again, and I just told him I ate although I didn't(they had no safe food here...meatballs, potato salad, etc.). He asked what, I said a sandwich and that it was great, & he left me alone. My mom actually told me to do it. LOL My mom is great. She's like my best friend! 
Anyway, that was how I dealt with the last shindig I had to deal with.
Mags
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ruchie read heathers books they will help i do eat beford i go out i dont care what people think life is harder for us but you take the good dayswith the bad and dont eat at fast foods drink lots of water and tea i do no red meats that helps me lots of exercise do you take pills for the ibs that should help i have missed many partys hope i could help good luck highsmith
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Ruchie- I have had a really difficult week this week and been wishing the same thing. I use to love to go out, be able to eat anything I wanted, have a couple drinks or even just go for a drive without problems. Now I feel trapped at times in this crazy body that I am controlling through diet, but in honesty would love to be `me' again.
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just tell people that you have to eat at home because you have to watchg what you eatr. Anyone with a heart should be able to understand that without being judgemental!! :)
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i have wanted to be moe again for so many years now and I was eating the same thing day in and day out, it was REALLY MONOTONOUS! I COUDN'T lose weight no matter what I DID. iT is thanks to Heather's diet that I finally have some variety in my life and able to lose a few pounds. My advice: LOOK FOR THE GOOD THINGS IN ALL YOUR LIFE 9diet and otherwise) to carry you through the hard times. :
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WOW! Congrats on losing some weight--that's terrific! Thanks for the positive spin...it's helpful to hear it! Sometimes things just seem hopeless and it's easy to forget all the good stuff (like this message board, Heather's book, and the fact that there's suppport out there and other people who can relate to what we're going through cause they're going through it too! Heather didn't have support--she managed on her own for years--at least we have support!) Thanks so much for helping me to see through rose colored glasses! 
Ruchie
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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I can tell you what I do, and what a lot of ppl with IBS do. My dr does not advise it, but she doesnt understand how debilitating IBS can be!
If I suspect I may wind up in a highly stressful situation or maybe compelled to eat something that can trigger an attack, I will take two Imodium beforehand as a preventative. I also carry Imodium around with me all the time just in case.
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"A waist is a terrible thing to mind".
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Thanks for responding! I actually have IBS C so that doesn't work for me. If I eat something I shouldn't I won't go for days or longer Citrucel won't make it happen right away either--no quick fixes for me. I REALLY appreciate your input and concern--thanks so much! knowing people care enough to respond makes a big difference Hope you're feeling well!!
Ruchie
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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You're welcome! I felt SO alone with IBS until I found Heather's book, and this forum helps even more. I was on my own with IBS for years, finding out "what works" via trial and error. It never dawned on me that high fat foods were doing it to me though---though I did find that after a bad IBS attack, I had to live on oatmeal and yogurt the next day. Turns out oatmeal is one of the best foods for IBS.
I know what you mean..it feels SO GOOD to have a place to go where others understand what its like to live with IBS. I like to joke about my IBS to make it more bearable...whenever someone offers me something evil like a chocolate bar or French (excuse me, Freedom) fries, I reply, "Oh no, can't eat those! If I do my rear end will turn into a Nazi(and then I do a German accented impression: "Ve haf VAYS of punishing you for eating dat food, dahlink!!") Humor is one way I deal with IBS..maybe some of you can relate!
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"A waist is a terrible thing to mind".
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Mags,
Thanks SO MUCH for responding!
My friend does know I missed her wedding because of the colonoscopy. I told her though that I would be there last night and then just couldn't get myself out of the house. I used to have so much life and energy--I used to feel so free--now I feel so restricted! I guess I will have to explain all of this to my friend--but I still feel awful for not being there for her!
Wow! Sorry you had to go through that at the fam. event! I give you a LOT of credit! I just don't have the guts right now. I'm too anxious. I feel so bloated and yech--plus the gas is out of control! I go to work--but anything social is just too much of an ordeal at this point. I hope I can overcome this--I'm not used to being cooped up and depressed!
Thakns so much for listening! I'm glad you have the support of your mom--that's great! My husband and I talked last night--and we came to an understanding! I think he finally is beginning to understand what I'm going through--and that's a BIG help! Having someone you love support you is CRUCIAL, I feel, to getting better!  We talked about ordering Michael Mahoney's IBS Hypnotherapy Audio Program--and I ordered them last night!  They should arrive sometime next week. Until then I guess I just have to hang in there--and I know they won't work overnigh--but I have to keep hoping things will get better! I'll let you know how the tapes go for me.
Thakns again Mags!!!!!! Hope all is well with you!
Ruchie
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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Highsmith,
Thanks for responding! Heather's books are WONDERFUL! I think I'm just in a rut right now. I've had IBS for years but it was dormant for a long time--just recently it came back with a vengence. I'm not used to all these restrictions (not saying anyone is...), and I'm not sure how to deal with all this yet! I was just officially diagnosed two days ago...it's a lot to take in. I just feel so bloated and ugly (especially when I'm gassy--it's the WORST! So embarassing!) People have given me excellent suggestions so far on how to deal with all this--I guess it just takes time to work up your resolve, and to learn a new way of life. I guess I'll just have to be patient with myself--but it's SO HARD TO DO! We live in a society of quick fixes and instant food--instant everything! We just want an instant fix. I'm on zelnorm--my doc tried to convince me that if it works for me, it will be a quick fix. I don't believe in quick fixes! I believe in getting to the root of the problem. Hopefully Michael Mahoney's hypnotherapy for IBS tapes wil help me do just that!
Sorry for going on and on...and thanks for listening!
Ruchie
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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Or, fake eat. Sounds stupid I know, but sometimes you just walk around with a plate and never touch it. People see you with food and then just keep moving they will never know. I don't think this would work if you are at a sit down meal though. Actually I usually don't go many places without my kids so I can use them as an excuse, I'll eat when these guys are set and then oh yeah I ate. And running one of them to the bathroom helps too.
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Ruchie - when you get yourself "normalized", you'll be plenty social and then some. Just don't give up. Remember, FAILURE IS NEVER FATAL...IT'S COURAGE THAT COUNTS!
I love that saying. When I had a REAL job, it used to hang in my cubicle. And, another one I like is: A DAY WITHOUT LAUGHTER IS LIKE A DAYY WITHOUT SUNSHINE. Remember what Reader's Digest used to say...Laughter's the best medicine.
So much for Mello's Words of Wisdom!
Just keep a stiff upper lip, toots, and everything will work out just fine. It does take time, tho.
I still have to go thru my colonoscopy but I put it off a few months back because the hospital that my husband had his done at sent us a letter saying that they found that their colonoscopy/endoscopy equipment wasn't being cleaned properly...DING, DING, DING...boy the bells went off in my head. And, I guess I'm still hesitant even tho I talked with the hospital and they assured me everything was being done properly now. So, soon I'm going to need everybody on this board to cheer me on to get it done. I guess I haven't suffered enough yet to get the lead out! (Boy, what would I do without "sayings" to help me say things???) 
Sharon
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Sharon
"Anything Chocolate"...that is all!
Edited by SharonMello (03/21/03 08:47 AM)
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I find my husband and parents are huge advicates for me. At Christmas I wanted to cry because even though we tried to make things I can eat there wasn't alot i could eat and I miss eating the foods they had. They made baked potatoes and I ate three of them and a little salad and that was it. My parents explained to my aunt and uncle why I wasn't eating and they were really interested and that was so nice. My sister always makes sure she has pretzels at her kids birthday party so I can eat and I help her pass out cake and ice cream so I am busy not thinking about not eating the ice cream. I love the fact that they care so much and I love that my husband is willing to fight and defend my situation. He even tells everyone how great the food we eat now is. Now if only my mother-in-law could remember what I can eat. My husband laughs at her because she will buy something and say to him, Heidi should be able to eat this and he will say what is in it, no she can't because ... It is pretty funny.
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Heidi - could you possibly send your mother-in-law something in writing re the ingredients you can have? That way she could put it on her fridge and have it. Or the next time you visit, you could bring it and ask her to put it on the fridge so she'll always have it handy. Or something like that. The words aren't coming to me today...duuuuhhhhh!
It sounds obvious that she cares about what you can eat if she asks about what you can have.
Sharon
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Sharon
"Anything Chocolate"...that is all!
Edited by SharonMello (03/21/03 09:04 AM)
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We were talking about doing that. I did that for my sister and I have shared some recipes with her and she loves them.
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My step mom was really helpful for me too. She actually went out and bought a whole bunch of food that I can eat and she keeps them in her freezer for when we come visit because the first few times I brought my own little cooler. (Which didn't even bother me - but she is such a hostess and she hated that she wasn't cooking for me - gotta love her)
My husband is excellent too - when I am not feeling well - he doesn't order in because he knows that I will not be able to withstand the ordering in mode LOL. Also - he knows that I should have a snack and reminds me.
My mother in law however, not so great. For our wedding they gave us a gift certificate for 5 years worth of beef. Good idea at the time, but not helpful now. Anyways - the other night she called and asked us if we want a half of beef. My husband said "Mom, that's too much because Lana can't eat that anymore, maybe you could give us half of that and then buy us some chicken breasts and fish." She said, "We don't buy any of that stuff so we can only use the coupon for beef."
Gotta love inlaws. If it was her baby boy who couldn't have the beef - you could guarantee she would find some fish and chicken for him.
I just repeat - I love my mother in law, I love my mother in law.
Lana_Marie
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Lana_Marie
Proud Mommy to Bentley Taylor
Born May 12, 2004 9lbs, 3oz
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My mother has been friends with my mother-in-law since before my husband even dated. We still wonder how the heck we ended up together. Our friends were just as suprised as we were. Anyways, I am so lucky. I love her, she is like another friend. We sometimes call each other to vent. Of course, she loves me because I married her son and gave her grandaughters, LOL. Now if only I could give her a grandson I would probable be her favorite person. Just kidding. My husband has an older brother and sister and they are not married.
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I know my mother in law likes me - but she just is stuck doing things HER way. They don't understand that I cannot eat somethings and there is nothing we can do about that.
My sister in law is wonderful. She is the only one I can vent about my mother in law to because my husband just gets hurt. She is a wonderful person to have around. Actually she's coming to visit me in a couple weeks - maybe I can bring up the meat thing with her - she's really good at helping me out with her mom!
Lana_Marie
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Lana_Marie
Proud Mommy to Bentley Taylor
Born May 12, 2004 9lbs, 3oz
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Ruchie - I have faith that you will improve. I myself couldn't make it 5 min. around the corner to the store without panicking 3 yrs ago & now I just prepare myself the best I can & just go for it. I do find that a lot of times once I get to an event & get involved it distracts me from thinking of the IBS and next thing I know, I'm enjoying myself--and sometimes I don't so I don't stay long. I know this is probably not right, but I always have a backup excuse to leave. This if for situations where no one knows (such as my extended family) & I almost never have to use it. As a matter of fact, I can't think of one right now that I had to! Anyway, just having that "safety blanket" sometimes helps me get through an event.
Yeah, my mom is great support. But, she knows how my family is. As a matter of fact, at that same party they ganged up on her about something (not IBS), but she deals with it better than me. Although she complained to me about it there & then some! lol I think she gets more PO'd where I get upset.
But, I have her support & my boyfriend is the absolute best! He always thinks of how I feel, looking out for me, etc. I don't know what I would do without him. He takes good care of me! He took me to almost all my doc appts/procedures. Anything major, of course he was there. I dont' think I could have kept him away! I didn't have the IBS stuff going on when we first started dating, so he knew my "normal" social me & the me now. He is just so supportive. I know I could count on him for anything.
Enough of that...his ears are probably burning! LOL
That is so great you got the tapes! I'm dying to get them. I have a feeling I'll end up getting them before this weekend is up, because I have no patience. I wanted to see if they've worked for anyone else. I think that's my prob. I don't mind spending $100 on them, just if I spend $100 & they're no good. Ya know what I mean? Did they say how long it would take for you to get them? Didn't you say you were in NJ too?
Mags
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Hi Ruchie - Hang in there, I'm taking the new IBS Hypnotherapy forum live on Tuesday. You'll be able to ask all your questions and also there should be people who have completed the tape course and can tell you their experience.
Best,
Heather
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Heather is the Administrator of the IBS Message Boards. She is the author of Eating for IBS and The First Year: IBS, and the CEO of Heather's Tummy Care. Join her IBS Newsletter. Meet Heather on Facebook!
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Shandela,
I'm sure I speak for the entire board when I say "We love you AND your saying!!!" You're too cute! Sayings are fun, aren't they?
I think I just have to accept that if I go somewhere and I pass gas--no one will hate me for it. And if I'm eating something different than what everyone else is having, I'm being healthy and good to myself! This of course will take time--but it's worth it! Plus, if I don't feel like going somewhere/doing something--it's ok to just skip it! (Can you tell I'm still young and my life experiences are blooming?) 
Thanks so much for caring about me enough to respond--more than once!  I really do appreciate it! I know things will get better--especially with all the people on this board pulling for me.
Thanks Shandela!!!!
P.S. You GOTTA get your colonoscopy done--it's crucial! We'll be there for you before and after--promise! You can teach some of your wonderful sayings to your doctor (I ended up singing at my colonoscopy--long story) and you'll have a good laugh!
Thanks again!!!!
Ruchie
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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Heather,
Thank you a million times! It's nice to know how much you care about this board and that you're always looking for ways to help us. I'm looking forward to the forum starting Tuesday!!! Thanks again Heather--for EVERYTHING!!!
Ruchie
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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Ruchie - You sure make me laugh!!! My husband and I and one of his sisters and a sister-in-law are driving down to San Diego on 4/2 (I think) and they're Portuguese and they love to cook w/fat. They're all great cooks, but I'm afraid I'll "stink" them out of the house if I eat what they cook. So, I've been thinking of taking rice, instant potatoes, bagels, my wonderful chocolate cookies I made this morning (did you read the post on the Recipe Exchange?) and some other stuff. I don't think they'll mind. They're all so slim they don't have to worry about their weight and they all think it's great that I've lost all this weight. They don't know how hard it was (and is) , to keep it off and not fart all the time, too! Oh, well, guess I have to be realistic, huh?
Yeh, you're right about eating healthy and being good to yourself. Mostly everybody eats fatty stuff. Why don't they just take a cube of butter and stuff it in their mouths??? Sorry, but I live with someone who doesn't watch what he eats (and he has cholesterol problems too but he thinks that taking meds make it allright) While we watch TV, he eats honey roasted peanuts (one of my favorites), potato chips and not baked either, when we go out he orders fish and chips or ribs and french fried onion rings. Oh well. At least it doesn['t bother me any more. Yesterday, I talked him into sharing a fajita platter with me so we got combination beef and chicken. He ate the beef and I ate the chicken. I let him have all the sour cream and cheddar cheese. I didn't have any repercussions from it, thank goodness.
I know I gotta get my colonoscopy but I'm just a big chicken. And I know that you guys will be here before and after--it's during that I'm worried about. I hate needles especially intravenous ones. Just stick me and get it over with--don't leave it under my skin. Yuk! Sometimes I almost pass out at the dentist when he has to "shoot" me. What a woos I am!
Thanks for being so nice, Ruchie. You're even nicer than my sister.
Please tell us the "singing colonoscopy" story. I need a good laugh.
Shandela
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Sharon
"Anything Chocolate"...that is all!
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Hey Ruchie - here's the post. I found it quick as a wink. Did you use the Search function? Everything's going okay here inn Sunny California. Mags2003 (Karla) taught me how to use the colors. But I think I'm getting fanatical about it!
Is this the post you were talking about? Hope so.
If you check out the Recipe Exchange, I've made some more posts and comments on previous recipes you might be interedted in.
Shandela
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Sharon
"Anything Chocolate"...that is all!
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Shandela,
Sounds like you have a GREAT plan for your trip to San Diego! Hope the car ride goes well for you--sounds like the trip should be fun!
It i SO HARD staying on the IBS diet--and I'm sure the WW diet is tough to! Bravo for sticking with it!!!
"Why don't they just take a cube of butter and stuff it in their mouths???" I couldn't have said it better myself!!! You CRACK ME UP! We really are healthier for eating this way--people didn't always have all these processed foods--I believe there's a reason for that...
You are SO GOOD! I can imagine how hard it must have been to let him have the beef/cheese/sour cream! GOOD FOR YOU!
Hang in there with the colonoscopy! I was TERRIFIED when I had mine a couple of weeks ago--but it wasn't too bad.
I have to go be with my husband now--remind me later and I'll tell you my singing colonoscopy story!
Happy Sunday!
Ruchie
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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