Help! I Feel Like I'm Drowning
#16301 - 08/05/03 10:06 AM
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BL
Reged: 06/01/03
Posts: 3522
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Every Tuesday I get together with a bunch of friends at someone's house. It started out as coffee and muffins (maybe bagels), and now everyone has started preparing heavy lunches. Today, the hostess served a Mexican menu---chicken enchiladas smothered in a thick white sauce (sour cream and cheese), a cornbread salad (with celery, tomatoes, nuts, and regular mayo), a brown rice casserole (with half and half in it), and a coconut cake (with cream of coconut, one things that's very high in fat). There was a fruit plate (strawberries, grapes, and pineapple), but I knew I couldn't eat that on an empty stomach. I asked her if she had any bread or crackers. She offered me wheat bread and Ritz crackers, and I hated to decline that too. I drank my Citrucel and tasted one bite of the cornbread salad, and my stomach started cramping! Then the group started in on me---"We don't think you're eating enough. No wonder you've been losing weight. You've got to eat something!" It was all I could do to not cry. I tried explaining to them, but no one seems to understand. Next week it's my turn to have it at my house. I have no idea what I will serve.
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So sorry that you have to go through that. I hate getting comments related to my body and food. It's so annoying and no one's business. I usually deflect any comments and forget about it. If they don't understand and/or empathize, then they can't be true friends.
Now, onto your game plan for being hostess. Start planning your menu from Heather's book. All of those recipes taste exceptionally well, and no one will notice that they are modified to fit your diet. You will be able to eat and probably not have to deal with comments from people.
Don't let them get you down. You are the one who has to deal with the aftereffects of eating something you're not supposed to. They may not understand, but they should accept.
Good luck!
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~jules
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Hi - This is one of those situations where it's easier in the long run if you just tell your friends flat-out that you have IBS, and that you have some specific dietary needs. You can even print pages from the websites here and hand out the info so they can just read it. You might have to just bring your own snacks or lunch to the gatherings if you can't count on others preparing safe foods for you. I know it can be hard to tell people what's wrong, but it will relieve a lot of mental stress if you know that your friends will understand why you can and can't eat things they make for you, and that their comments about your weight are not appropriate or helpful even if they meant things kindly. Remember - your friends can't help you if they don't know what's wrong, and they can't make you safe foods if you don't tell them what that means. They'll probably be happy to try and make you comfortable, but you have to let them.
Jules is right - you can make a fabulous lunch for everyone at your own place that is IBS safe for you. This might also give your friends some idea of how to cook for you when they're hosting as well.
Not sure what kind of food you like, but here are some ideas:
Make the shrimp fajitas with the smoky black bean dip, roasted tomato and mango salsa, guacamole, and serve with rice, flour tortillas, baked chips, and people can roll their own burritos. Make horchatas to drink.
Make the Thai rice noodle salad with shrimp and mango - looks beautiful for a luncheon. Make the chicken satays with it. Serve with green tea. Angel food cake with a little fresh fruit for dessert, or make any one of the sorbets. The lime mint leaf one is lovely with Asian food.
Make a barbecue. There's barbecue catfish sandwiches (could also use chicken or even tofu) with coleslaw, serve with canned vegetarian baked beans, baked Lays potato chips, the candied sweet potatoes, buy or make soy/rice ice cream for dessert or bake the double decker pecan pie.
For something simple, there are tons of great sandwiches - smoked chicken with fig chutney, sesame chutney with Asian slaw, grilled Portobello sandwiches, smoked white fish and cucumber sandwiches. Serve with the tuna basil pasta salad, have herbal ice tea to drink, angel food cake or sorbet for dessert.
All the recipe are in Eating for IBS, and some of them are online here web page
Best,
Heather
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Heather is the Administrator of the IBS Message Boards. She is the author of Eating for IBS and The First Year: IBS, and the CEO of Heather's Tummy Care. Join her IBS Newsletter. Meet Heather on Facebook!
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Horchatas?
#16328 - 08/05/03 11:12 AM
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Lorna
Reged: 01/29/03
Posts: 129
Loc: Calgary, Alberta, Canada
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Heather - What fabulous ideas for lunch! You can invite me over anytime  Just one question though - what is horchatas???
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Lorna 
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Yeah, I love doing the fancy-schmancy luncheon thing! Horchatas are Mexican drinks made from either rice, seeds, or nuts. You soak the cooked rice (or almonds in the recipe I really like), then blend up with a little cinnamon and lime zest. It's sort of like a homemade rice milk or almond milk. You can make it with pumpkin seeds but I've never tried that. The almond version is to die for - I make a big pitcher and with Mexican food it's heaven.
- H
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Heather is the Administrator of the IBS Message Boards. She is the author of Eating for IBS and The First Year: IBS, and the CEO of Heather's Tummy Care. Join her IBS Newsletter. Meet Heather on Facebook!
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Lorna
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Thanks, guys for the suggestions as to what I can serve next week. The recipes sound delicious. I just had a fajita for lunch and it was great.
Now, as to trying to explain this to your friends, I have TRIED and TRIED. It doesn't help at all that 2 members of the group supposedly have IBS (I am doubtful) and they eat whatever they want and just take their anti-spasmodic medicine. I saw one of them at a restaurant downing a huge club sandwich with regular mayo, cheese, bacon, etc., then finish it off a rich dessert and coffee. So as a result, they tell me, "Oh, I know what you're going through and it's not fun. I've dealt with this for years. Just ask the doctor to give you some medicine and you will be fine. You can't go through life not eating." They both supposedly have IBS-D and I have IBS-C. When one of them gave me the name of the medicine she takes, I looked it up online and it said it causes constipation!!!! I tried to explain to them that I don't have diarrhea, but the opposite problem and that I can't take that medicine. They just shake their heads and act like I'm being stubborn! Of course, the subject always comes up when we are sitting down to eat. I try not to go into much detail at that point because no one wants to hear about bowel problems while they are eating. Besides calling each one of them separately to discuss this with them, I am beginning to wonder if I should just stay home on Tuesdays from now on. I used to enjoy this group, but they don't know how to serve anything unless it's high, fat and greasy (which doesn't even appeal to me).
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I worked with a woman once who also claimed she had IBS...and as she's telling me this she's drinking a large coffee and eating a fried doughnut at 8 am in the morning (this was her daily breakfast). I was starting to spasm just watching her. We had office lunch meetings at this place once a week and she'd always sigh when I placed my special sandwich and herbal iced tea order. I wanted to strangle her.
I never did figure out how to deal with her aside from just ignoring her as best I could, and simply telling her that obviously IBS varied a lot from person to person and I had more severe symptoms than she did, and those symptoms were triggered by foods she could apparently tolerate.
But I still wanted to strangle her...
- H
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Heather is the Administrator of the IBS Message Boards. She is the author of Eating for IBS and The First Year: IBS, and the CEO of Heather's Tummy Care. Join her IBS Newsletter. Meet Heather on Facebook!
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Heather, this is exactly what I feel like----strangling them---- when I watch them eat all this high fat, greasy food and then they just smile and tell me that I all I need to do is take some medicine. I wish it were that easy! I took one bite of a rice salad at a grocery store Sunday (on an empty stomach, a big mistake, I know) and my stomach started cramping! My husband couldn't believe that one bite would do that to me.
Don't people know how hard it is for us IBS-er's (is that a word?) to refrain from eating something we want? It's hard enough not being able to enjoy some of these pleasures. Then people make it worse by reminding us of what we are missing.
I don't think that emotionally I'm dealing with this very well. Every social event now is depressing to me. I come home so upset because I spend the evening watching my friends enjoy the foods and drinks I used to. I am mourning the loss of my life-before-IBS. Should I have a funeral and bury the past?
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Boy, I can relate to this problem! I find it so difficult to eat at friends' houses--restaurants are sometimes easier. My diet issues are so complicated and people just don't get it. Plus, I hate to ask people to fix a meal based on my diet limitations! The latest issue seems to be the many friends I have who are on Atkins or other low-carb diets and they think I'm crazy to eat white rice, potatoes, etc. I have gotten a couple of people to understand by explaining to them that I am NOT dieting for weight loss-I'm doing this so I can feel healthy. But it sure is a struggle.
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