Irritable Bowel Syndrome Message Boards

This is not completely IBS related and I won't go into my big long history, but I feel that if I am going to continue to be an active participant here with you all that I need to be honest about where I am. Brief backstory - I've had alternating IBS C/D since young teen, with lots of pain. Since moving here last summer and having baby #3 in less than 4 years, the stress around all that exacerbated things I think and not only made IBS C much worse but also landed me with a very painful case of gastritis. I don't believe stress completely caused it, I'm told there are very real biological factors there, too, but in some ways I still think I "did it to myself" by getting so worked up about everything I was expected to accomplish, and by the pressure I put on myself to do it all completely without help and perfectly, with no problems. Pretty dumb thinking, but I didn't know a soul here and spend most days 12+ hours a day alone with the kids... not complaining, just saying I kept telling myself, "What's the big deal Michelle? You can handle this, you have to handle this, so quit your whining and get to it".

Well, that part of the post got long, sorry! Anyway... point is all that pain I was going through led to me hardly eating at all, and losing a quick 15 pounds. I got Heather's book and was able to eat a little better without such pain, and got the scopes done which helped pinpoint the source of my problems. The doctor gave me aciphex for the stomach which is great stuff, it's helping tremendously, the other meds he gave me for the IBS type stuff have been no good, just dropped those all together.

But here's the problem. I started losing weight from a very valid, realy, biogical problem that I was trying my best to remedy, but still the weight came off. Well, if I'm honest I have to admit that seeing it come off was pretty exciting after spending most of the last 4 years of my life pregnant!! Being thin again looked pretty good. So the point is once those biological problems were "fixed" or at least greatly improved, I didn't want to stop losing weight. Then it was like I couldnt' stop. The scale and the calorie counter in my brain began to control me, till I was allowing myself less and less each day and exercising more and more. I'm sharing this now because I finally talked to my doctor yesterday. We see a family doctor, so I was in there for one of the kids and he asked me how my stomach issues were, and then came right out and asked about my weight and why was it that every time he saw me I was thinner. I became defensive and evaded his questions. That night I felt guilty, because I've been praying for the Lord to help me when some days I feel like I can't help myself at all. And it was like He was telling me that Dr. Risley's concern was part of His answer to help me. So I went back yesterday and talked more openly with him. He showed me in the medical journal how underweight I am and explained the medical ramifications that can come from that. We, together, reached a reasonable goal weight for me to achieve, and he wants to see me back in 2 months. I have not agreed to therapy yet, I've got Eric and Mom (mother in law/friend) to talk to and am not willing yet to go to a stranger with this, I hope I'm not so far gone as to need that but I guess if I do then I will.

Well, that's where I am. That is why I tell you all, if you feel like you can't eat anything at all, EAT SOMETHING - read Heather's suggestions and just eat those safe things if you have to but EAT. This is such a gripping thing, you don't want to set your foot on a path that is hard to get back off of.

I will continue to be here and hope to offer others encouragement and ideas as I can, and will share updates as I have them. Can't share updates on the weight gain "assignment" because Eric took the scale away - good move on his part, I guess.

Love to you all, thanks for listening if you read this whole thing,

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Take care,
Michelle
...the greatest of these is LOVE. (I Cor 13)

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