Perfectionism?
#7243 - 04/25/03 09:55 AM
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ecmmbm
Reged: 02/23/03
Posts: 1622
Loc: North Carolina
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I haven't been posting much lately, sorry. I'm going through quite a spell of trying to sort out what, for me, is IBS, what needs diet intervention, what needs medicine that the Dr keeps throwing out me, and what is me doing some of this to myself as I find myself in a cycle where for some DUMB reason I still want to keep losing weight and restricting my eating (to a point) even though all this weight loss began because of very real PAIN from gastritis, etc, it is now more like a habit and I'm trying to figure that out, too.
Related to that, many of you here have mentioned that you would consider yourself a perfectionist. If you have time and care to, check out this article of perfectionism and Christianity (if you do not consider yourself a christian or believe the Bible you may be offended, sorry ahead of time but I believe it!) Pay special attention to the lists at the end of the article. I admitted to Mom (mother in law and friend) that I find myself believing a lot of those misconceptions, not so much the ones about God but the ones about myself and others. It threw her for a loop and now I think she's worry I'm really, truly deluded. Can you all relate to these statements, if you think you are of this personality? And do you think this kind of thinking affects your IBS? Like I said, I don't relate to them all but several.
http://www.realanswers.net/realaudio/perfectionism.htm
Sure is nice to have a place to be downright honest about all this, wouldn't do it ANYWHERE else, admit this stuff, no way! 
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Take care,
Michelle
...the greatest of these is LOVE. (I Cor 13)
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Thank you so much for posting this, I have just had a break through! It explains so much and as Christians people are always watching our every move.
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Yolie - Yeh, well try being Jewish!! LOL
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Sharon
"Anything Chocolate"...that is all!
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Michelle - Even tho I'm Jewish, I went to the website and printed out the list of false beliefs. I'm going to go over them later and will comment. Just remember==you're still young and have different concepts than us older folks. Our attitudes seems to change as we age and get "smarter" (I hope I got smarter!)
Will post my thoughts later. ((hugs))
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Sharon
"Anything Chocolate"...that is all!
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That is funny!!! Try being the yougest of three, the only girl, all older male cousins in a Spanish home with an extremely stricy father! It's a miracle I am normal, or am I???? 
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Yolie - I don't think I can beat it!!! LOL But I am the youngest of 3 with a selfish father (now gone). And, yes, you're probably normal--besides, what is the exact definition of normal...no one knows! LOL
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Sharon
"Anything Chocolate"...that is all!
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Normal........"according with, constituting, or not deviating from a norm, rule, or principle: REGULAR (Webster's Dic). What a "normal" definition...and how boring.......
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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Perfectionism when dealing with oneself means that there are some secret hidden lies that we are telling ourselves. I suffered from it from many, many years. As a Christian I found out I was having a hard time accepting the fact I wasn't perfect and that in trying to be perfect I was attempting to be like God in essence and that is something we are not to do. In lying to ourselves we create expectations that will never be met because none of us are perfect. I know the effects of shutting others out of your heart and life.. perfectionism is the core of it all. When you can admit that you are not perfect you see where you are going wrong and you can work to fix it with God's help. That is how I've always viewed perfectionism.
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Jennifer - I need to send this to my sister (who thinks she's perfect)! Thanks. That was great.
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Sharon
"Anything Chocolate"...that is all!
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ec and others - excuse me if I offend you but these are more reasons why organized religions mess up peoples heads!
Brainwashing is the major goal. We are all brainwashed into whatever religion we are born into. What we must strive for, wheather you are religious or not, is to have a happy life. You can be spiritual and a good caring person and not be tied to a zillion rules just because your religion made those up. Strive to be kind to yourself and those around you but keep you life as stress free as possible. Enjoy your life - you only have one.
Danie
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Hi Michelle,
You really worry me sometimes.  It sounds like your need to control your weight is getting out of control - meaning you don't have control of it anymore. Your need to lose weight is controlling you now.
I can only write this, because my second year of College I was admitted to the hospital two times for an eating disoder. I also understand that fear of gaining weight. Like you I lost alot of weight last year due to gastritis and I was at a healthy weight. I has taken a year to gain my weight back, but I feel so much better.
Like you I struggle with wanting to keep losing weight, because it became my control issue. I was going through personal issues at the time and I did get to the point where I thought my eating disorder came back. I admitted it to my Doc. and counselor and what a load off my mind. With their help I figured out what my struggles were at that time and made efforts to change my behavior.
Michelle I really encourage you to take an inventory of your life. Don't just look at the perfectionism issues-figure out why those false beliefs are there. I encourage you to talk to someone other than your mom. You don't want to over burden her. Can you get counseling from your pastor or another christian counselor you feel you can trust? Also keep on praying!
I hope I didn't throw too much at you or offend you. Feel free to e-mail privately if you like.
Take care!
Barbara 
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You did not offend me, I was trying to be honest and so are you. I know some of what you say here is true. I would not mind emailing you but did not see an address? Mine is ecmmbm@carolina.rr.com.
Thank you,
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Take care,
Michelle
...the greatest of these is LOVE. (I Cor 13)
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Hi Danie - I think it's very important to keep this forum warm, friendly, and productive, and everyone's opinions are welcome as long as they are on-topic and they respect others. On the subject of religion, there are many points of view and all are equally valid to the individual holding the belief. This has been a very interesting and helpful thread for some folks with IBS, and I'd like to see it remain that way.
However, I don't think your post respects others in the thread, and some of your comments could easily be viewed as an attack on the beliefs and lifestyles of many people here, though I'm sure this was not your intention. I do not want to open the door to a heated argument that will serve no purpose here and that is not appropriate for the board.
IBS can affect a person's life across a whole spectrum, and for many (though certainly not all) people that spectrum includes religion. In that regard I've found this whole thread to be interesting and I believe it is likely quite helpful for some people, and I've really appreciated the courtesy and consideration shown by posters of varied religious backgrounds. However, on a sensitive topic like this, if you have contradictory personal beliefs I think it's best to not join the discussion rather than post in an argumentative fashion. This is not a debate board, it's an IBS board. As such, the board itself needs to remain a neutral forum for people of all (and of no) faiths, from Christian to atheist. Everyone should feel welcome here - IBS does not discriminate based on religion, so neither does this board.
I'm leaving this post up, but I'd like to request that no one post a reply to it so we can avoid a negative back-and-forth here. If other posts pop up on this thread that are disrespectful to others, I will remove them.
Thank you to everyone for your understanding and consideration.
Best,
Heather
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Heather is the Administrator of the IBS Message Boards. She is the author of Eating for IBS and The First Year: IBS, and the CEO of Heather's Tummy Care. Join her IBS Newsletter. Meet Heather on Facebook!
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Michelle,
I just found your post and the replies. I glanced at the website and some of the statements are similar to those that a co-dependent would make. I'm a "recovering co-dependent" so I know! As a fellow believer, I want to share a verse that I didn't see on the web link you gave us: Romans 8:1 - "So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus." NLT. The Message paraphrase is even better: "Those who enter into Christ's 'being-here-for-us' no longer have to live under a continuous, low-flying black cloud." This is something I have to be continually reminded of - that I am no longer condemned and that when I *feel* condemned or worthless or less than perfect (imagine that!), it's an assault from the father of lies! I've heard a quote, somewhat related, from Chuck Swindoll, that I find helpful, too - and I wrote it on a card and stuck it on my refrigerator: "Deliberately refuse to allow the enemy or anyone else to hold me in bondage to forgiven sin." Sometimes, it's just that issue; we've been forgiven, but we act like we're still in bondage. I'll pray for your God to reveal to you just what the underlying issue is about your eating habits right now, and to gently redirect you if that's what's necessary. He's a good God, loving and kind and full of compassion! He wants us to be healthy and whole! God bless you!
In Him,
Kaybee C
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Wow... thank you.
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Take care,
Michelle
...the greatest of these is LOVE. (I Cor 13)
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I can't resist replying! Especially with "normal" introduced into the topic! That is my whole problem with my swinging IBS (D/C) - I never know what is "NORMAL"! And I strive to have a "Perfect" event in the bathroom! And sometimes I do "pray" that I will have a perfectly normal bathroom experience! SO, this topic is PERFECTLY NORMAL for this list! 
I wouldn't be surprise to find that many IBS suffer from bouts of perfectionism - that leads to the stress and then an attack. There seems to be some reoccurring personality types that appear to come forward about their digestive issues.
Not controlling your bowels is horrible (as we all know) so we can quickly become obsessed with controlling our eating. And then we go down that rocky yet slipper slope.
Depression associated with our IBS can also manifest itself with either trying to comfort ourselves with food - or feeling bad and rejecting food. And both responses can cause more IBS issues.
That is why I am reading these boards. Am trying to take a positive attitude towards food. And trying to bring everything into balance.
BUT trying not to obesses with perfect balance and success.
June Clever was a made up character. (For you young one's - Mrs. Brady - shoot what was her first name? - was a made up character!)
- - Lily
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Heather, I'm sorry if I offended anyone with my posting, it was made with the best of intentions.
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Heather is the Administrator of the IBS Message Boards. She is the author of Eating for IBS and The First Year: IBS, and the CEO of Heather's Tummy Care. Join her IBS Newsletter. Meet Heather on Facebook!
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When I first came on the board, I wondered if a lot of us were perfectionists. I read the post you put up and looked at the 'self' section going 'uh-huh, I do this, yes!' It was actually interesting to see someone articulate it for me! YOu are certainly not alone in agreeing with some/a lot of the things on the website you provided.
The weight issue - I wonder how many of us "perfectionists" have had issues with our weight. I did quite a while ago now (10 years). You know what I think it is? Although we are perfectionists, we get disappointed if things aren't always perfect, however, with our weight - we feel it's probably the only thing we have total and utter control over.
It may sound weird, but it's how I felt at the time. It takes a while to listen to others and actually accept what they say is real and valid.
Good luck and draw strength from those around you who care so much.
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no problem here either, thanks.
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Take care,
Michelle
...the greatest of these is LOVE. (I Cor 13)
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