Why are people so unsympathetic!??
#41942 - 01/29/04 07:01 PM
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I am getting really sick of all the comments I am hearing. I think that is definetely the worst part about having IBS, nobody understands or cares. Here are some comments that I am SICK of hearing, " You are a hypochodriac," "Your stomach cant possibly hurt ALL the time." "You were just in the bathroom, I dont understand whats wrong with you(from a parent who knows you have IBS-thats the worst!) "I think you need to go to a psychologist." Oh and how about, "Yea my stomach hurts right now too-(while on the third slice of pizza!) Anyone have any others.....???? Why dont people have any sympathy!!
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That is such a universal problem. People are like that with depression, eating disorders, IBS etc. Most people have a ignorant about these disorders and just have it in their head that you will get better if you just try harder. They are so wrong! Thank goodness for Heather and the boards so we can vent about all the stupid things people say.
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Idiots
#41947 - 01/29/04 07:09 PM
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Bevvy
Reged: 11/04/03
Posts: 5918
Loc: Northwest Washington State
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Because they're idiots. Rude, inconsiderate idiots. They don't understand IBS, and they don't want to. The very word "bowel" turns them away. I've lost friends over my IBS, and it bothers me -- but I don't need friends like that -- and neither do any of us. We all deserve better.
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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I agree, most people just can't understand how terrible IBS is if they haven't experienced it themselves. I don't know if anyone on the boards has ever shared this, but I just remembered that I found it long ago when I first first struggling with IBS. It has some great suggestions about how to get others to understand what we're going through.
web page
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"Anyone can exercise, but this kind of lethargy takes real discipline." -Garfield
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Great bit of information. I hadn't seen that before. Thanks so much Kree. You are a gem!
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dont worry yourself too much about others not giving you any sympathy. Worrying only makes you more depressed and being depressed just makes everything worst. When nobody understands me, I just take a stroll outside to enjoy nature and it beauty.
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Ooh... it's like when I had my tube. People treated me like a horrible leper! I always figure, at least with my IBS I can hide my problems, it would be so much worse to have a visible illness (and I'm not counting bloating, I always have a big sweater for that!) I don't know why people are so unsympathetic. I guess they just can't understand and don't really care to try.
It'd be easier if our disease had a sexier name and better celebrity endorsement. People would care more if like, Julia Roberts announced she was suffering from IBS!
Anybody know anyone famous?
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Quote:
It'd be easier if our disease had a sexier name and better celebrity endorsement. People would care more if like, Julia Roberts announced she was suffering from IBS!
I never thought about that, but it's so true! I certainly don't wish this on anyone, but it would be nice if we had some celeb pushing for us! 
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"Anyone can exercise, but this kind of lethargy takes real discipline." -Garfield
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I do think that it's slowly getting better with people getting a better understanding of what IBS is really about. Unfortunately it's still slow.
I figure we should take a page out of Hollywood's books. Cause everything that happens in the movies HAS to be real. right?  Slip in drops of laxative into their coffee and give them a bad case of "D" and see how they like it! 
Don't worry, I'm not suggesting to actually do it, but I think if people were better able to understand what it's like, they'd be a lot more sympathetic.
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hey I like your idea about the laxatives!! But I guess people just don't have a clue what it means to have to go to the bathroom every five minutes in the mornings, sit uncomfortable and in pain after every meal, but just ingore them, and you know thats it is NOT all in our heads!!
Lynnie
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Doesnt Kelsie Grammer's wife have IBS. Maybe if we all mailed her she and Kelsie could get us on Oprah
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Gretchen
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Jenny McCarthy has some bowel disorder, and she talked about it openly in a book that she wrote.
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~jules
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Getting people to understand what IBS is and is all about is one of the most difficult challenges of having this disorder. Trying to get co-workers and friends (and even family) to understand why you can't eat french fries or can't go on long trips without having a bathroom nearby can be very frustrating.
I'm glad to see more commercials on IBS medication on TV lately. Like you all said, if it's on TV, it must be real, but I think we have a long way to go.
I'm so grateful for Heather and this board--it's been a real life saver.
Hang in there.
Kristine
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If someone is curious I ask them if they every had a terrible, terrible stomach ache, from the flu or over-eating or food poisoning. (Almost everyone at sometime has had one of those.) Then I tell them that is what I get if I do something wrong, like eat the wrong (trigger) foods or drinks. That almost always gets a raised eyebrow and a moment of compassion, however brief. People have to be able to relate to something they themself have experienced to understand this condition.
But, MY favorite is the use of the graph in Heather's First Year book, page 16. I'm going to scan it, make it a tiny bit smaller and carry it with me in my purse. When someone questions me about my IBS and why I can't eat this or that, I'm going to show them the graph and what THEIR colon does to a meal, and then what MINE does. I can't think of a better way to explain it. That picture is worth a thousand words!!!
I'm not trying to sound like the devil's advocate here, BUT I have to add that this syndrome in NOT life threatening, even though most of us, with a bad attack feel like we are dying or wish we could. If it were killing folks, like heart disease, aids, or diabetes it would get the research bucks to find a cure.
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Hmm, that's a very good idea, Kandee! I never thought of explaining it that way. And I wish I owned the First Year, because I want to know what graph you're talking about!!
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"Anyone can exercise, but this kind of lethargy takes real discipline." -Garfield
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Heather's Graph
#42059 - 01/30/04 11:17 AM
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Bevvy
Reged: 11/04/03
Posts: 5918
Loc: Northwest Washington State
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I'll e-mail it to you, Kree. Mags has me practicing my scanner and trying to teach me this #$*%!*&%$!! computer, so this will be good practice for me.
Good graph, by the way, Heather!
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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With Heather's permission (and John Hopkins--the source) maybe it could be posted on this web site some where(?)....
Just an idea.
You are getting so smart lady............Proud of you!!!!
Who said we old doggies can't learn new tricks?
KK
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I,m not going to say any thing about being old. 
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Neta G.Yale
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Wow! That graph does put it all in perspective! And people wonder why we're so miserable sometimes... 
Thanks again for sending it to me, Bev!
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"Anyone can exercise, but this kind of lethargy takes real discipline." -Garfield
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IBS Graph of Colon Contractions
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Heather is the Administrator of the IBS Message Boards. She is the author of Eating for IBS and The First Year: IBS, and the CEO of Heather's Tummy Care. Join her IBS Newsletter. Meet Heather on Facebook!
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My advice, and Heather even mentions this in her book, is to not worry about what others think. You don't really have to even explain it to them. Just simply say that greasy foods make you feel sick and so does dairy. If it isn't necessary to mention, don't. Sometimes when people offer me a cookie or something like that, I just take it and put it in the garbage later. It's just easier like that. This was especially helpful during the holidays.
Like Heather says, it's not worth it to you to have an attack at the expense of another person's ignorance.(I hope that doesn't sound harsh)
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Natalie
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Hi Natalie, I agree that generally I don't care what people think, but it's harder with people like my Grandma who are trying to be sympathetic but failing. She doesn't understand that even with medicine there are things I just will never be able to eat again, she thinks it can be "cured" and that I'm too young to be sick.
Those are the toughies. 
But I really wanted to ask where in Kentucky you're from? My husband and I live in Austin but we both grew up in Louisville.
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I'm in Northern Kentucky in Ft. Thomas. Very close to downtown Cincinnati, OH.
I know that it's hard with family members, but you can only do so much. Have you tried giving her some literature on IBS to read?
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Natalie
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Hey Pretty Lady!
I'll bet you anything that Grandma doesn't WANT to believe it's incurable. She probably loves you very much, and it pains her to think that you have to endure this forever, especially beginning at such a young age -- it's probably very hard for her to deal with it.
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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My mother in law is from Louisville, and my husband grew up there for 7 years. I've never been; I'm still not very excited about the idea of traveling with IBS!
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Oh yeah Bev, I'm sure that this is it. Plus she doesn't believe that anyone had IBS when she was my age... I tried to explain to her that the diagnosis didn't exist but the problem did! Also, she doesn't like to take medical things very seriously, she refers to her little strokes as "incidents."
So I just let it go. I would give her literature, Nat, but it's easier not to bother her with it. Usually when I see her we're at my parent's house and they're really good about it.
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That's funny... my husband's parents moved from Iowa to Louisville... I guess the opposite of what your husband did?
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I don't even bother to tell anyone about my IBS, I feel to embarresed  I did tell my friend once about my stomach always hurting, and that I was going to go to the doctor, and she laughed and called me a hypochondriac for going for "just a stomach ache"  Of course upon going to the doctor I got diagnosted with both Gastritis and IBS, yeah I'm such a faker *rolls eyes* She apologized after though.
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IBS-C
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Apart from our Heather (and Kelsey Grammar's wife) I never heard of any other celebs who admit to having IBS. They'll own up to all kinds of stuff - even celiac disease, but I suppose it's just not fashionable. Where are they all??? I just can't believe there aren't any more.
However it does frustrate me when people say 'Oh, I get a little bloated sometimes, or I need to lose a few pounds - maybe I have IBS too!' How to reduce IBS to total insignificance in one ignorant remark!!!
btw, an insensitive colleague of mine told me her doctor 'doesn't believe in IBS - some people just go more often than others' and 'don't you read this new medical directory - you might get ideas about having all kinds wrong with you'. Clearly, in her opinion, I'm obsessed with being sick and a total hypochondriac. Well, it beats being ignorant, anyway!!!
Shells
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