Irritable Bowel Syndrome Message Boards | Barb, Why Do We Do This?

WHY don't we stand up for ourselves?

While I've been estranged from my younger brother and my mother, I had a relationship with my older brother up until 8 years ago. I love him so much, and to this day I miss him something awful. But I just won't tolerate being mentally abused any longer.

When my bro got married, I really tried to get along with his B----. I really did. When she laughed at me (AT me, not WITH me), I laughed at myself too, even though I was hurting inside. Once, after a couple of Jacks, I fought back. We had a HUGE fight; it was not a pretty picture. She and my bro left my house, and we became estranged for 3 years. I was miserable.

So when my bro wrote me 3 years later and wanted to make up, I tried to put the past out of my mind, and made nice-nice with his B----. I did good, REAL good -- so good, in fact, that she and my bro asked my hubby and me to be Godparents to their newly born son. I loved that little boy so much, and hated to see how that B---- spoiled the hell out of him. I said nothing.

As he grew, he got a little out of control. Still I said nothing. At dinner one Christmas, she turned to Don and me and said, "Am I spoiling him too much?" Still I said nothing. I was being a good sister-in-law and a terrific sis -- wasn't I?

But when my Godson began showing a total lack of respect for me, echoing the words and actions of his mother, I lost it. I checked with her first, and asked her if she wanted me to reprimand him or if she wanted to do it herself; she said for me to do it. So I did.

That was the end of our relationship. She BLASTED me. I fought back, but my bro supported her. That was 8 years ago.

I miss my bro. I love him dearly, but it's all over; I'll never see him again.

I'm tired of being a doormat. Why does family treat each other like this? WHY?

I have no idea how my Godson turned out. Well, actually, I DO have an idea, and it's not a pretty picture. I'm disappointed -- and I miss the little boy I loved so much. But I'm also very mean-spirited because I wish I could be a fly on the wall when my Godson leaves home, because that B---- will totally fall apart. And she deserves it.

See how I am?

I'd rather have no family than a family like I have. And I feel I'm to blame for most of it -- because I never stood up for myself, allowing myself to be laughed at, made fun of, and even mentally abused. Why? WHY? Do I have so little self esteem that I tolerate this kind of behavior from my so-called "loved ones"? Was I responsible for my mother's abuse of me as well because I didn't fight back? I was scared to death of her; if I had fought back she'd have beat me with that wooden paddle of hers until I had boils on my butt.

You're right. I have a wonderful, loving husband, and we have a lot of fun together. I'm a lucky gal.

Barb, I love your counselor. It sounds like she's REALLY helping you! Good for her -- and good for you.

BTW, you're pretty awesome yourself.

Bev

--------------------
<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy

Print Remind Me Notify Moderator