Irritable Bowel Syndrome Message Boards | bevrs is a smart cookie! (and i write a long post! WHEW!)

but we knew that, didn't we!?

though i will say looking for chicas at the gym is a bit scary. lots of women just want to be left alone at the gym
'cause they're concentrating on working out. there's nothing worse than feeling that your haven has been turned into a "meet"-market. (<---- "meet" market. clever, huh? i put it in quotes so you didn't think it was a fribro frog typo. no! i actually meant to be clever!

)

of course, that said- a guy i see off-and-on runs the gym where i used to work out.

(i'm such a hypocrite, no!?

'course---- i hit on him!

)

here's the key if you're going to do the gym thing: smile, be nice, be solicitous, even go out of your way a bit to time your workouts where "hers" is (and when)if you've spotted a particular girl, but don't go be cheesy (which i doubt is anywhere in your nature anyway, Jamie! seriously! but there may be other dudes looking at this!). just be really nice and open. girls like that. girls do not want some flexing annoying guy hanging over the handles of their stairmaster while they use it (YES, i have seen this happen toooooo many times!).

as for the pottery etc., those are GREAT ideas Bev had! in fact, there are a few guys who show up for my yarn shop's Stitch and Bitches 'cause they know there will be girls there. we're unique, though, 'cause there's lotsa drinking at our S&B and also it's downstairs from a bar.

but they show up "to learn how to make sweaters." and the owner of the shop has been known to fix people up, too. (DAG, i've GOT to get better and get to one of those S&Bes.... i have never been but they sound so fun!)

i digress...

so pottery places and anything like that are good. you can always start a conversation by being sheepish and "admitting" that you're there to make something for your mom/sister/cousin/best friend, and ask her opinion on the color/size/suitibility. (yes, it's a white lie, but girls think it's cute if you confess that sort of thing years later after you've fallen madly in love! -confess too early and it's a bit cheesy, though, so be forewarned. if you don't fall in love, no harm, no foul, you never have to tell the story and she's never the wiser.)

bookstores- good, cafe- good, coffee shops- good. music stores- good. just about anywhere. here's the trick: you actually have to talk to someone while you're at these places! and what do you say!? well, i think it's hard to do it but there's always something you can say, and women like it! (as long as you're not pushy--- notice the trend!?

) here, watch and learn....

bookstores: -"do you know which way the cooking section is?" then, if she seems interested and chatty, mention that you've been meaning to teach yourself to cook Greek/Chinese/Indonesion/Mexican/whatever! (just don't offer to make her dinner! that's cheesy when you first meet a girl!) everybody can talk about food, so if she is interested the conversation should be fairly easy thereafter. hmmmm... or there's "do you know where the photography books are?" and if you think she's interested in talking you can mention flipping though books to get ideas on "what makes a good shot" for your next trip, at which you can mention the pilot thing (CASUALLY!*). as you know, girls swoon for the pilot thing! -do you know where the books on pets are? i have a kitten and he's so much fun i want to learn a little more about cats. i've never had one before/i've never had a kitten before/it's been years since i had a kitten.
cafe: meander close or lean over to another table and say "i have never been here before/eaten this kind of food before.... do you have a suggestion?" again- food. who can't talk about food!? now, just don't launch into a litany of why you can't eat what she suggests! just thank her! if you order something different and she catches you, just wink and tell her you'd already set your heart on whatever it is you'd ordered/or spotted it after you two talked and "it's your favorite- you can't pass it up!", but you're going to order her recommendation next time! -i'm thinking of picking something up for my best friend. she's been a little down lately and i though surprising her with lunch on Monday would be nice. what's a good suggestion that wouldn't be too messy at work?
coffee shops- "do you drink tea? is the orange spice any good here?" or "i don't drink coffee but was thinking of shipping some to my mom/sister/cousin/best friend--- what's good?"
music stores - "have you heard X's new CD?" -"do you know if this store starts lists for advanced sales?" -"(point at CD she is looking at) have you seen them live?" -"i want a change! any recommendations for a CD that will blow me away?" (and if you can, slide in the "i play bass" thing. girls like musicians, ya know!)

or there's always the crazy suggestion. you could always just smile and say "hi." (that's a portable, non-situation-specific one!) really.... guys don't try that enough! follow up question: "how are you today?" (see!? CRAZY!!!!)

please don't forget step two, though! you have to follow up! ask her if she wants a cup of that orange spice tea to try it. ask her if she'll walk you over to that CD she just recommended. ask her to dinner/coffee/walk around the park/for her email address "to send her a link about X-Y-Z...." (oohh, that's a good "safe" one! it really works well. "if you give me your email address, i'll send you a link about Egypt i found when i was researching my next trip," "i'll send you such-and-such band's link." WHATEVER!) but you have to make the next step if you're interested and she's interested, or else this will all just have been a pleasant conversation between two people who wished they could see one another again but never will!

so there you go. there's always something to say! just pick up the vibes she's sending out. if she looks away and never looks back after you talk to her, she's not interested. if she turns her body away, she's not interested. if she has glanced up at you several times and smiled, she's thinking about it! if she turns towards you, she's interested. if she keeps the conversation rolling, she's interested. if she doesn't, she could just be shy, so don't count on that exclusively! try a second "conversational lob" and if it doesn't work smile, say "nice talking with you" and saunter away. ps: if she "shows up" in the same aisle or area as you again within a few minutes, she's interested!

all that said---- make sure you're practicing this all the time! it gets easier!

as long as you're not lecherous or annoying or following a girl around, you're not going to irk her.

believe me, all of this will seem charming to most girls, and swoon-worthy when you bump into the "right" girl. as for transparancy--- sorry, we always know when guys are making conversation because they think we're pretty and/or are interested! always. but we like it, anyway. we think it's "cute" when guys talk to us, even if it's kind of awkward, especially if we think you're interesting and cute before you come over to talk to us! (remember "cute" is GOOD in girl talk! awkward can be cute- it's like "proof" that a guy doesn't hit on girls all the time. makes a girl feel special!) if it's all done right, even if she's not interested, you'll at least give her self-esteem a little boost and if she's not a witch she'll be cordial, which should boost your self-esteem a bit. a win-win situation!

*mention something casually: this does not mean " i am taking a trip 'cause i'm a pilot don't you think i'm sexy now?" or "i'm looking for a photography book 'cause they have good picures. i'm a pilot." No, no no..... it means something like..... hmm... ok... "well, i travel a lot for the airline and sometimes there's downtime between flights. i thought it would be fun to take up photography to fill that time and have a nice way to remember where i've been." see....? suave!

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