Hi,
No worries about being absent, haha sorry!
As for the sopranos.. I totally understand how it relates to me now. Its like he made this choice and didn't even discuss it with me.
All that he keeps saying is that I thought it could work, I thought we'd be ok not seeing each other everyday (regarding this fall. not this summer). But in my mind, its like why wouldn't you want to be with me this summer.
I am so confused. I am so hurt. He has no idea why, and thinks I'm being insanely irrational. I think that I am totally rational.
I think I feel the most hurt, beacuse it feels like he is taking commitment away from me. When we last talked he said he consciously knew his decision to teach at this school would mean that we wouldn't live together. That tore my heart out. That he made that decision. And perhaps like you say he is doing it to prepare for our future. Throughout our entire argument about this over the past few days he's constantly reiterated that he loves me and doesn't think its a bad thing if we dont' live together. I see it as though we are in a committed relationship. We've said I love yous for almost two years now, and we've lived together for one. It feels like he's saying you are not important to me. i'm taking away all that i've given you for the past two years.
It baffles me that you can be so committed, and we've talked about marriage and kids and our lives together, and then take it away over something as trivial as a job. Maybe I don't understand because I've never had a real job, but still.
He keeps saying, my first year of teaching is going to be so hard, I dont' want the added stress of a long commute and all those kind of things. if I were stressed out I would want him to be the first person I see. granted I know men and women speak different languages and men retreat while women get emotional, but its so hard to focus on that in the heat of the moment. its so hard to say, well this is rational because we speak different languages. Its so much easier to feel attacked.
I also can totally relate to how your father reacted to your boyfriend moving. Vinnie, too, is making this decision to be away from me. All I want to do right now is call my mother and talk about this but I'm scared. My mom is one of my bestfriends in the world, but when I tell her things like this she only sees the bad and tries to protect me. I know that she will look at this like I told you so. I'm not ever scared to tell her anything, but when I decided to live with vinnie, my parents weren't the happiest. My mother said, Ashley, Why would be buy the cow when he can get the milk for free. Very nice. But they accepted it and welcomed him and us living together. But I feel like now I screwed up. Months ago me and vinnie got into a fight because we were both stressed out about school, work etc and I ended up moving out for a week. Of course I called my mom and told her everything and she thinks that it was stupid of me to move back in. Now i'm scared to call her and be like hmm mom, you were right, living together isn't as important to me as it was to him. I know she'd never hold it over my head, but I also don't want her to start hating vinnie, incase he has a legit reason for all of this. He adamently denies that he is doing this because he wants his space and wants to get away, he seriously thinks we could make this work. But he hasn't actually sat down and told me how. And he's made no attempt to make me feel as though I'm not being rejected over a job.
oh my life is a mess right now.
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thanks amandapanda!!
