Oh gosh, I am going through so much of this stuff right now too! I'm sorry because I know how much it sucks and is scary. I wish I had an answer for you as what would make it better but I think it's different for everyone and I haven't found what even does it for me.
I relate to being the one in the family who everyone thought had/has it all together but you have to let that go. I had go get honest with the people in my life because it just made it so much worse trying to keep up a pretense that I was fine when I absolutely wasn't and needed their help to make it through. I am just learning how to do this by the way. I've found that keeping it a secret actually makes it worse for me because I have to worry more. It is ok not to be ok is what I guess I'm saying.
I choose not to take medication because I am sober and feel like I shouldn't but I think it's getting close to the point where I don't have a choice. It's either medication or a life that revolves around panic and not leaving my house(no fun at all). If you don't want to talk to your family maybe a therapist? With a therapist there is no judgement or perceived judgement and they have experience in how to help. Hope things go better for you and you are in my thoughts and prayers.