I had two pretty good days in a row. Was even able to go on my lunch break walks those two days (Tues. and Wed.). Today, however is a different story. Sorry if this gets too long.....
First off...I didn't sleep well....waking up at 3:30 to go pee and not being able to get back to sleep so I went to the couch and tossed and turned finally falling back to sleep just shortly before the alarm went off for us to get up and get ready for work (6:00). I had a couple minor "attacks" before going to work...not needing any Imodium or anything....went to work with a horrible feeling of nervousness, anxiety, etc., etc. Couldn't get calmed down and finally after barely an hour at work I came home for the day. I feel extremely tired....not so much nervousness after getting home. I am trying to act like nothing is wrong around those I love because I don't want them to worry. I even left the house for an hour in the car in case hubby came home on his lunch....I didn't want to be home "sick" and have him worry. I wasn't really having too much tummy trouble...just that shaky, nervous, tired and "worked-up" feeling. Ya know? Am I crazy? What's going on? I haven't felt this way since I before I was diagnosed with depression and went on Zoloft five years ago after my grandmother passed away. I was successful in getting off Zoloft and have been doing real good with my IBS-D and depression/anxiety for quite some time. Now it's all going down hill again. I worry constantly, am tired lately, and on edge all the time. Especially in the mornings when the day is starting. I can wake up in the middle of the night and be calm, but when I wake up and it's time to start the day....I'm a wreck inside. I try to hide my anxiety and act calm...but inside I'm wanting to just go hide somewhere by myself. That is just recently....like the past couple weeks. I just don't know what to do and I just want to be "normal"....as we all do. I was in hopes that the hypno tapes would arrive today, but they didn't. So am trying to calm myself in other ways. Because of how today went, now I am nervous about tomorrow because I have a meeting with a customer about a new project. I'm nervous because I don't want to be all "worked-up" during the meeting and have an IBS-D attack or something. Does it ever end?
Thanks for listening and being here. {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}
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After two good days.....today isn't so great.....sorry, need some shoulders to lean on....
