What a sweet post; thank you.
You want some advice from MOI? Gee, I'm flattered -- especially since I don't feel I'm someone to give advice to anyone.
One thing I do know, though, and I know it well: LET IT GO. If you hang onto the anger and resentment, it will do several things: (1) allow your mother to CONTINUE to have power over you, over all your actions, over everything you do and how you interact with others; and (2) it will fester and eat at you and make you an angry, bitter person.
I didn't want to let go of all that hate for many, MANY years; I felt that if I let it go, then I was saying it was okay for what happened. Then I met Michelle, a paralegal in the law firm where I worked. Michelle had an even worse mother than I, and she too wouldn't let go of the hate. It affected her so much, she was a total B----! She couldn't get along with anyone, and no one liked her. I tried to get along with her more than most because I understood what she was going through, but even I had a hard time penetrating that thick veil of anger. But I saw in her a real sweet gal who was being smothered by the ugly hate and bitterness she felt for her mother, and it totally ruined her life, so much so that she ended up losing that job!
But what really did it for me was a comment made by a dear fellow rowing friend of ours. I've never been a competitive person, always allowing others to "go ahead of me." That doesn't work when you're a rower. When the coach tells you to take a certain seat in the boat, you don't turn around and tell another rower, "oh, you take my seat." Uh-uh. When Eddie asked me why I didn't compete, I told him the story about my first competition. I was skating with my best friend, but I couldn't keep up with her. My mother took my skates off me, put them on herself, and went skating with my friend, then laughed at me. Eddie's response was, "get over it. You're an adult now, and it's time you stopped blaming your mother for all your problems."
It was tough love, but it was meant in sincere honesty and friendship. And it helped me A LOT.
Michelle is a mother of two children with a loving husband. They all deserve better than she's giving them, and it's all because of the hate she bears towards her mother; it's time she got over it and stopped blaming her mother for her all her problems. Her family deserves better.
And so does mine. I don't want my mother to have that kind of power over me AND those who love me. So I let it go, Michele. And you know what happened when I did? Surprisingly, I was no longer anything like my mother (my biggest fear); I became a MUCH happier person who no longer even thought about my mother, and I let people into my life and enjoy their company. I'm a much better person now than that person I was, that person who held onto the resentment. I like myself SOOO much better now.
I don't think of my mother anymore. I don't wish anything bad for her -- I don't even know if she's still alive. It's hard for me to understand comments like "I want my mommy!" when people are sick. That's the last thing I would want! And that's too bad, because it's not supposed to be that way. But then, I think of mothers who drown their children or throw them in the trash can in the bathroom on an airplane, or throw them off bridges -- and I think how lucky I was. While I was beaten with a wooden paddle, and beaten HARD, I'm alive.
And I'm a happy person now.
Sorry this turned out so long; when I get typing, it just all rolls out . . .
--------------------
<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
Posts
For Michele
