Ok, so it's LUCY's birthday. She is a teller here. Everyone thinks she is soooooo special. Nothing special about her.
(Sorry, I need to vent, and DH tells me to just blow it off)
So, since it's her birthday and she did this great display for one of our promotional items (a 5 year old could have come up with the idea), she got a HUGE birthday breakfast AND lunch (On my birthday and everyone elses they got zip. And I am one of the hardest working people in this damn bank and I help EVERYONE no matter what they need {sorry to boast}). This is all the food they had:
Breakfast casserole (bread, cheese, sausage, eggs)
Coconut Cake
Cupcakes (I did have a small one, it's duncan hines and it was wonderful, so far so good)
Brisket
Baked Beans (loaded with HFCS)
Potato salad with cream cheese and yellow cheese
Dinner rolls (HFCS)
(there was more, but I can't remember it all)
I'm upstairs where the kitchen is and when they started heating up everything, it smelled oh so wonderful!!!!!! I just felt so upset that I couldn't eat ANY of it (well, except for the cupcake  it did help a little)
When they do this, though, it makes me very depressed and upset, and I go into a binge where I want to eat everything, and hide that I am eating it. Then I feel so nasty after eating it that I wanna make myself throw up. Sometimes I do. I know that's bad, but I'm scared of how my stomach will feel with all that food in there. I need some help. Mentally. I'm almost in tears right now, and I shouldn't be, but I'm such a bad person for doing that. I have never told ANYONE that I do that. Please don't judge me. I just can't handle this stuff anymore.
Then, when I don't eat, everyone is like "why aren't you eating" and "do you not like it" and "oh your just dieting you need to quit". I hate it I hate it I HATE IT!!!!!!!
I have been trying not to binge today. It has been hard. I had 4 small figs and 3 pieces of chocolate that were not on my food schedule today apart from the cup cake. That wasn't too bad.
I know that I'm in sooooooo much better health than my co-workers. Every single one of them is VERY over weight (except the guys of course and one older lady). I'm the only one that is in a healthy weight range for my height.
Then everyone complains about being fat. UGGGHHHHH!!!!!!! Can they just see what they are doing to themselves? (Look who's talking)
Please, anybody, I need some encouragement.
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IBS-C, Gas, Bloating, HURTING!
I'm married and it's so wonderful!
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UGHHHH!!! CO-WORKERS!!!
