Oh Michele, I so understand your pain and confusion. I, too, have weeks of great health and then I will have a month of periodic D. Lately, since going on the Acacia fiber, I have been symptom free, at least D, and maybe I have swung back to more C, but I have been having formed stools, which is great.
Let me share what I have found. Now, I know this will sound difficult, and with D it is especially hard. But, I have found that the less I focus and dwell on ths IBS the better off I am. And, I mean anything and everything to do with it, including these boards. It seems the more I focus on it, the more it expands, and usually, at least for me, it only takes one bad day to perpetuate the cycle again.
The end of the last cycle of this crap was about a month ago. I was on my way to work, (the commute was hell), and I was driving erractically, and that is not me. I am a grandma driver, but that day the feeling of inpending doom, (meaning soiling myself), was so overwhelming that I drove like a total nut. Well, I got pulled over, and it took that cop forever to run my license. It was at that moment, that I said to myself mentally, "ENOUGH"...it is not worth killing myself or someone else because of this. I arrive at work and the urgency makes me run to the bathroom, and guess what...nothing. Just a little gas. So, that was it for me. I started from that day forward to say to myself what is the worst that could happen. Maybe a little embarrassment, but I will be alive. 
I am also an anxious person. I have had generalized anxiety for most of my life. I will tell you what has helped me tremendously and that is the Charles Linden method. I purchased his CDs and he is an expert, at least to me. He nailed every symptom I had, right on the head. I listen to his CDs every night before bed, and the anxiety does lessen. Will I ever be anxiety free???? I don't know, but I strive for that.
Another website you might want to take a look at regarding the "what you focus on expands", is the Abraham-Hicks website. Now, this site might offend some, because it is a bit metaphysical, but if it sits well with your belief system, it does give alot of info on this focus thing. It is also quantum physics that what you focus on expands. And I have found this to be true in my daily life.
I also feel, and alot of people may disagree, that this condition is mental/emotional...not about the food. It is my opinion that it starts in the brain, and if you can get control of your mental/emotional health, it won't matter what the heck you eat. This was me for many years, until a traumatic accident last year, seem to trigger the D. Some people, when they are overwhelmed get migraines, others get backaches, we on this board, get IBS.
Mental/emotional/spiritual stress will strike the weakest link in our bodies. I think once we are calm, our bodies heal themselves. I have been eating pretty much what I want lately with no problems. That is not to say I won't have them tomorrow, but I also have a sense of calm in my life right now, so I know that has more to do with it than the food. I know the food may exacerbate it, but I do not think it is the initial cause. Others may not agree, it is just my personal feelings.
So, I know this is alot, but when I read your post, I just felt so sad for you, and I know exactly the feeling. I hope I have helped in some way.
Lynn 
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Re: IBS and anxiety
