I'm not sure, since I've been battling the same thing. It seems that I have periods with much more anxiety and panic, and periods of my life that are easier. Hopefully, you're at the end of a difficult cycle and moving towards an easier time.
I definitely recommend therapy, which I'm in right now and feel like I'm moving in the right direction, though no noticeable improvement yet. (only had 4 sessions so far) There are books on dealing with panic, I have one by Bourne which you can find on amazon. I think its basically applying cognitive behavioral therapy to panic/anxiety. In terms of drugs, you might consider xanax or something similar that you take only in case of severe anxiety. They work quickly and don't last all that long, they supposedly leave your system pretty quick. I take half pills as they take the edge off, while whole pills work better but leave me groggy sometimes. I know all of what you're talkign about with not wanting to be the one who cancels plans. That would be my role, unfortunately, with my wife. Dinner out before a movie? no. Dinner anywhere but asian food? No! Camping? never again in my life! And on and on. She couldn't grasp, I don't think, the extent that ibs and anxiety shape my decisions. Its a constant worry.
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Ladies & gentlemen take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice.
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Re: How can I talk my way out of a panic attack?
