I've always been intensely cerebral, tragically(!), and lubes, sensual oils, mechanical toys all seem stupid until you get an "O" from one (or a combination of them). My first O was after "back-door" play. I had no idea it was coming...! I have since had them in my sleep also, usually the day after "vanilla" intercourse, or the day after I've real a tantalizing chapter in an, uh, adult-themed book ("bodice rippers" are great!). 
Rarely have I ever had an O from a lover or BF. For me, it is intensely psychological and happens that night in my dreams, after I've gone to sleep. The good news is that the more it happens, the more it will happen. Those O dreams ROCK. (!!!) 
Good luck in your research, and remember it's all in the journey, grasshopper.
~nelly~
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I agree with Dajara
