I have a feeling this will be a long post....but here it goes. I don't post here as often as I should or as often as I used to....mainly because I've been feeling better. But, I need some support right now and this is the best place I could think to come. I'm not real sure how to explain what I've been going through, but it has me a bit concerned. Am hoping that someone can relate to this situation. The first episode was this past Saturday when I was supposed to go to an event with my mother. The event took place at 10:00 in the morning and it was something we really both wanted to take part in. Mornings, however, are not good for me (IBS-D) or my mother (she has tummy issues, too, although she's never been diagnosed with IBS). But I took Imodium to get through. My problem was, I realized later, that I was worried about my mother and worried that everything wouldn't go fine as far as her getting there, finding a place to park, etc. I was feeling guilty because I told her I'd just meet her there rather than give her a ride there because we live 11 miles apart and the venue that the event was taking place at is basically half way between the two of us. So it just made sense to me to meet her there. Well, when I brought that idea up to her, she said she hated driving to that venue, she didn't know if she could find a place close to park, etc., etc., all comments which made me feel guilty and nervous that something would go wrong since I didn't give her a ride. I talked her into driving herself there and gave her encouragement knowing everything would be fine, but subconciously worrying about if something did go wrong it would be my fault. (I hope this is making sense so far) Anyway when the morning arrived for the event, my tummy was a mess. I didn't really have "D", but I was going frequently and my tummy was cramping up. I knew it was from the worrying. I told my mother I'd be there by 9:30. 9:30 came around and I still wasn't able to comfortably leave the bathroom. I tried calling her on her cell phone...no answer. She had already left and didn't have her phone with her. So I took another Imodium and hopped in my car to drive the 15 minutes to the event. I had another cramping episode just as I pulled out onto the highway and turned around to go back to my house and use the restroom. Finally I got to the event just in time to find my mother and she was just fine, cheerful, and concerned why I was running late. Her reaction surprised and relieved me after all the "what ifs" she had put me through. So I started crying....right there sitting next to her with all these other people in the audience. I couldn't quit. Everthing was OK and we had a good time the rest of the day. But I let her "what ifs" get the best of me and I was so mad at myself as well as her for doing that. The same type of thing happened yesterday. My husband and I have two dogs. One of them has been sick for a few days. My husband took him to the vet and the dog spent two days at the vet...with not many answers to the problem. He is feeling a bit better, but not much. It will just take time. But, I did the same thing with my husband as I did with my mother. I anticipated my husbands reaction before it even happened. I had been worried all day yesterday that my husband would be upset about the large Vet bill. I worried about this because of how he reacted to similar situations in the past. So I was basing my worry on his past reactions. When I got home from work, he had already picked the dog up from the vet and had the bill on the table. I just knew he'd be complaining about the large bill, but he didn't. He was fine with it. So I got upset because it was such a relief that he didn't react the way I thought he would. Does that make sense? I started crying and got all upset. He was so comforting to me and I explained to him how I had anticipated his reaction based on how he has reacted in the past and he understood. I told him that I had the same thing happen with mother a few days before and that I catch myself anticipating a bad reaction from people and then everthing turns out to be OK and I just break down. I hate that I've allowed myself to get my feelings hurt and carry it with me forever. I told my husband there are things that my mother has said to me in the past that have caused me to worry about her reaction to certain things and there are things that he has said to me in the past that have caused me to worry about his reacons to certain things. They are things that have been said that I just cannot forget. He said he was sorry again and tried to comfort me. How do I get over things that have hurt my feelings in the past??? Can anyone else relate? I think that is why I have IBS-D.
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Can anyone relate to this?
