Today is a bittersweet day for me-the first SINGLE Mother's Day, but it's also the day before my one year separation anniversary. So I went through all our legal and bill and life insurance papers yesterday and got a little bit of closure there....and then realized...
I'm happy here. I'm really happy where I am in my life. I'm feeling things again, not numb like I was with Trevor for years. I'm living life, not watching it. I've grown courage and strength and self reliance.
Another nice thing is, for the FIRST TIME in my life, I'm dating an unselfish guy! He's getting me a Mother's Day gift even though we've only been dating a few months and he's got no children. I'm a very generous person, and have never dated a generous person before... THIS is what I had in mind when I fell in love. THIS is what I had hoped I'd be treated like.
Sidebar-My ex wouldn't even acknowledge my first Mother's day as a pregnant mom because Kayleigh wasn't here yet-and his girlfriend said he had told her the same thing when I wished her a Happy Mother's Day! In retrospect, I'm glad I'm not dealing with his selfishness anymore.
I hope all the newly single Moms out there realize that your little ones are all you need and treat them like gold today because they are the reason your marriage was worthwhile. My Kayleigh has often this year been the reason I kept fighting, and now that I've finally, TRULY gotten through it, I can look back and not be angry, and can even talk to the ex's girlfriend about baby names (wow, my daughter's sibling -due any day now) and enjoy it! I could NEVER have imagined that a year ago.
It's been a long, hard, scary road but it's finally coming to a close. I'm finally seeing the future as bright, that I can manage it just fine WITH or WITHOUT a S.O.
I've discovered what REALLY counts. I've learned to stand on my own two feet, and to ask for help when I need it. I've learned that life isn't all about promises, and that sometimes, love ain't all it's cracked up to be. And I'm ok with that.
I've learned that though it's often tougher on your own, motherhood is ALWAYS worth every second, every headache, every pee accident, every crayon mark. Looking in my daughter's eyes...it's all I need.
I'm a bit poetic today, lol.
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Keep on keepin' on...
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Happy Mother's Day..a look back....
