Some of your replies made me smile, I am glad to know I am not being unreasonable here. We did not speak at all yesterday. I had to be at the clinic at 2, took almost 2 hours to get the iv in but they got it, I lost track of how many times it took though. I am black and blue and swelled up from all the veins blowing. But, got the "juice." Than had a hour of massage therapy and an hour of something called sms, its an electrical zappy thing, sorta like an overgrown tens unit but is supposed to reset the sympathetic nervous system.
It was after 7pm when I got home and I was dreading walking in the door. However, Will got up right away and greeted me with a hug and an "I'm sorry." He said something to the effect of us having our first fight, we have been together for over 8 years. I looked at him and said you are joking right? That was a bit more than just a typical martial fight!!!! 
I told him I had gotten some info on a few apartments and he seemed a bit shocked. I told him he had said some REALLY nasty things and that I do not ever want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me. He apologized again and said he does love me. I point blank asked him if he wanted out of the relationship and he said no but he was hesitant.
I am not sure how I feel about it all. He isn't perfect (who is though) and there are some other issues. I do love him but I guess I would say that I am not IN love with him at the moment.
He promised to be more sympathetic and I promised to be not so grumpy even when I hurt all the time. I know money isn't a reason to stay together but it would mean financial ruin for both of us.
I think we are just going to take it easy and not make any rash decisions at the moment. He promised there isn't anyone else or anything like that and I do believe him there.
Not to make any excuses for his behavior as there are none hut he was drinking, which he has been doing a lot of lately. Usually he isn't a mean drunk at all, usually he gets all mushy but maybe all this had just pent up and he drank enough to have the courage or lack of discretion and just let it all out. His mother died of breast cancer when he was young, I think he was 10. He does not deal with sickness well at all.
I think I probably could get him to go to counseling with me but first, I have to have the strength. Right now, I am too tired both mentally and physically. I just feel very numb about it all right now.
Everyone keep your fingers crossed that the new treatments I am doing will help. Will did promise to go to my appt with the rheumy May first and the appt at the pain clinic when I get my spinal injections which is May 9th. I am supposed to have the iv infusions every month and I am about 2 weeks into the yeast medication. I am still doing the acupuncture, massage therapy and now this new sms treatment. I am also starting a new medication tonight, forgot what its called I dropped it off at the pharmacy, but its supposed to help reduce the fluid in my body and hopefully reduce some of the swelling. My blood pressure and pulse are very high as well and my chest hurts and the nurse said I have fluid built up in my chest cavity and that this new medication should help. I am also supposed to buy those old lady or diabetic socks. The ones you get at the pharmacy that are super tight to try and push some of the fluid out of my feet as my toes are numb from the swelling and I can not tie my shoes anymore. I recently switched from zoloft to cymbalta and they upped the dose of that. I am still doing my humira shots weekly for the ra and I am down to 4mg of the prednisone. I need to get off the prednisone completely but it sends me into a flare so I have to do it very slowly. I also started an adrenal supplement last week and a dhea supplement this week. SOMETHING has gotta work! Taking the pain pills on a schedule seems to help better than just taking them when it gets super bad.
Ok, thinks thats about it. Luckily my boss isn't in today so it should be pretty calm at work but its going to be a very long day.
Thanks everyone for their support. I hate being such a drama queen. In fact, I would love to have nothing to post about. I guess for now, lets just hope that I can post soon that I am feeling better.
--------------------
Taking it one day at a time.....
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
Posts
Re: Thank you everyone
