Irritable Bowel Syndrome Message Boards

I've said before that we are, as humans, much stronger and more resilient than we think. I'm going to try to make a long story as short as possible.

My parents were both heavy alcoholics. My father was extremely physically abusive. He quite literally pummeled by brother bloody every day he saw him. And when my brother left home my father started beating on my mom and me. He was always very emotionally abusive with all of us. For some reason, my sister managed to escape the brunt of the physical abuse, maybe because she's the youngest. For years I lived with nothing but fear. Real, paralyzing fear. I can't even begin to describe how that felt. I dreaded days home from school. I was kicked out of the house more times than I can count. I was hit, pushed, slapped, kicked, had stuff thrown at me, constantly reminded that I was a fat, ugly, stupid, selfish b**ch. I stopped eating at 5'7" and 132lbs because I was convinced that I was fat. I didn't eat for a week and at 125lbs my father started giving me a hard time for being too thin. So, I started eating again. I was constantly in fear of the two people who were supposed to protect and love me. I skipped school, stole, vandalized, grew abusive myself towards other people. I started drinking when I was 13.

It goes on and on. I could go through pages of how I grew up.

Now, I have a safe home, a wonderful husband, my mother has sobered up and takes care of herself, I have the best in-laws I could have asked for and certainly I never expected to be so blessed.

Two things happened to help me change myself in to the person I wanted to be and to get me through the darkest time I have yet experienced. And they also taught me that self improvement is endless. We will always be imperfect. But we should all try are darnedest to be the best that we can because the effort counts.

One is a personal, spiritual experience that is mine to keep.

The other was a conscious decision to make myself the person I wanted to be and that no matter how many times my heart was broken I would ALWAYS allow myself to love again. Otherwise, I knew, I would never find real, honest love.

And my point is this: No matter how terrible things seem, no matter how endless, no matter how heavy and burdening they may appear to be, they are NOT forever. And you CAN get through them.

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If you're not dead, you've still got time.

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