I feel torn... I'm pulled both ways between wanting to fight this IBS and do what I want to do with my life and being sensible for the sake of protecting myself.
I'm always worried that if I do take a job at a newspaper, they'll start me off as a reporter and I won't be able to do my job and I'll have an embarrassing IBS moment in the middle of an interview or an important press conference. Then I'll be fired. And what would happen, then, to my health insurance? How will I afford rent? What would happen to me?
I can't stop playing all these worst-situation disaster stories in my head. It's tearing me apart. This last week it's been really bad, partly because I have to select my classes for next semester. I'm set to graduate next semester with a journalism degree, but I just don't feel ready yet to graduate! I always figured that I'd have this IBS thing figured out by now, but I got so wrapped up in studying journalism and working for my college's newspaper that I forgot to take care of my health. There's also the issue of I skipped a year of high school because I couldn't deal with the IBS situation so I'm a year ahead of myself... I'll be a 20 year-old college graduate.
The hardest thing for me to deal with right now is, I don't feel like I've developed myself as a person yet because I avoid life experiences because of my IBS. Also, I haven't figured out how to deal with my IBS yet. I've wrapped myself up in so much work and school.
And, irony of all ironies, I had a bad IBS day yesterday, probably because of all this stress.
Has anyone here who's graduated from college gone through a similar crisis when they neared their graduation? I think I need to talk to an academic counselor, but the one's here at Northern Illinois University aren't terribly effective and it would be too streneous to explain my whole IBS situation. I've also talked to a real live professional journalist and explained my situation, and he was empathetic but I don't think he realizes just how catastrophic the idea of being thrown out of my comfort zone is to me.
Am I not strong enough to face adulthood? Where did I go wrong to not be fully prepared for this? How is anyone prepared for adulthood, let alone people dealing with a sometimes debilitating syndrome?