Okay ladies (& gents), here's the question: to have kids or not have kids. I am in such turmoil over this and could really use everyone's input. I am about to turn 30 and feel like I really need to get off the fence and make a decision. I do know that I don't want to be birthing babies when I'm nearing 40.
My husband and I have been married for just over a year and together for 4. There is no doubt in my mind that he would be a great father. I actually knew that I wanted to marry him when I saw what a father he became to our puppy (kind of corny I know). We both love kids- I have a nephew who I adore. I think there are 3 things that are really holding me back from taking the plunge:
1- We're so busy! I know that everybody is busy. I mean who has the time to lie in the hammock and read a book anymore?! But, I just don't know how we could possibly fit a child into our current schedules. We're building a house right now which I know is part of the headache, but not all of it. I also know that I will always work full-time. I am the bread winner in our household. My husband will never make more money than I do unless he gets out of his current field of work (which I don't see happening). Besides, I would rather see him happy and making less money than doing something he doesn't enjoy. We have talked about him being a stay at home dad, which he says he would do, but I don't know if it would work in the end. I think he would feel couped up.
2- Now this one is pretty selfish- I hate being sick, specifically vomiting. I think I actually have a phobia of it. I know that kids bring home all of that crap and I just don't know how I would deal with it.
3- My mother was married when she was 15, had my sister when she was 16, me when she was 18, and divorced 3 months later. We didn't have a terrible life, but it wasn't great either. I am scared that I won't be able to provide my kids with a life that they deserve. I have always said that I won't have kids of my own unless I am in a much better situation than my mother was. I have a good relationship with my mother, but I do harbor some resentment. I don't want that for my children.
So, am I just being selfish here? I think about all of these reasons and go back and forth almost daily. I would appreciate any stories, words of wisdom, or advice from anyone who wants to offer it.
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IBS-A, with bloating and gas as my predominant symptoms
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Advice about children (long post)!!
