My Christian therapist put this another way:
If we don't let God fill up our cup, we give all of our water to everyone else. If we let God fill up our cup and replenish us over and over, though, He gives us enough to give to everyone, a hundred times.
I have no idea how to take care of myself. I can say that I know how to waste time on the computer and I guess that's pretty selfish, but otherwise, i just don't know. I spend ALL my time with Kayleigh this summer, as trevor has me in a position that he's working a ton and I am NOT working, so he gets all this time to just be an adult, and I get hardly any.
One of the reasons I let Jason and Kayleigh meet so soon is because i was getting guilt trips from everyone babysitting her. i don't have a paid babysitter, so i have to endure guilt trips from family whenever I ask to have someone watch her...Jason let me HAVE ME time and enjoy it (with him)for the first time since May when trevor and i broke up. For the first time in three months, i was having fun. For the first time in three months it wasn't work, kayleigh, work, kayleigh.
Not that I don't love my daughter, but this 90%-10% split of time is COMPLETELY unfair. He lives three doors down, and I can see right now, at 12:30 PM he is home. Today was supposedly an EARLY work day.
(well, it could be his girlfriend has his car, but he told me yesterday she doesn't even have her licence!)
So there's some serious inequity and I have nowhere to go where I can give kayleigh some time with others without feeling like a jerk for it. Just letting her see Jason and I was a lot easier than trying to talk someone into watching her for a few hours and getting a talk about how selfish this is of me.
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Keep on keepin' on...
Edited by Coookie (08/09/06 11:31 AM)
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Alicia-on and off topic...sort of a rant
