and I do agree that it'd be fun, to go out and scope out the guys... but I'm just not interested.I tried that when trev and I first broke up. I like looking but am not interested in HOOKING!
I also told Jason that I'd give him time without talking to him etc. He wants to get his weekend over with(that's done) then he has a million goings on, then he is going away with his daughter near months end(he booked it so it was the same time i was away in Vancouver, so he wouldn't MISS me too much, bleah)and then it's months end.
i texted him twice in the last week, because he was going to be hanging on to a mountain with those skinny bike tires and I was worried. The frst one, he replied right away, and the second one, he never did reply. Could be a million reasons but I'm not being naive.
I know that once school stuff gets going it'll be fine. I can't even BEGIN that until i meet with a co-teacher because I have NOTHING for supplies or resources. I was supposed to meet with her today but am tomorrow instead.
It could be partly that Trevor's working like, 7 days a week right now and I ahve zero time without Kayleigh darling, so it's easy to get cagey.
I agree about Jason and I getting our baggage unloaded seperately, ABSOLUTELY....and that's exactly why I took off by myself. I unloaded tons.
Yes, I do feel desireable and beautiful for the first time in six years. Yes, it would appear that he filled a void. But I think there really was MORE than that in him. When I make lists of all the things that attracted me to trevor, it's all things that he did for ME or made ME feel.
When I wrote the same list about Jason, it was all things about HIM, not about what he did for ME. Strange, no? It's maybe because I'm not ready to let go of the dream that Prince charming is still out there. He has all these amazing personality traits that I admire.
Trev HAD them but I've ourgrown those traits, and he hasn't. We admit I grew up and he didn't.
But it's as if there was something far more. Potential. And yes, it hurts like hell when it's peaking in excitement and you're dying to get to know them more, and they just LEAVE. I've never felt quite so lost though.
And who knows, after a month he might just come back. But it's sort of....I don't know, do I want to live with this emptiness another three weeks over someone I dated a month? I wish god would give me some definitive answer so i could ahve some peace. if I knew it was for sure over, i could drop it and go on with life.
ahh....
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Keep on keepin' on...
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I see your points....
