I know I said that I went and had a retreat and sorted everything out, right... and yes, everything about my past, my childhood, my parenthood and my marriage falling apart is ALL sorted.
But can somebody tell me why I cannot stop thinking about this Jason guy? I mean, we didn't sleep together, we only dated a few weeks, we didn't say I love you...he may return and he may not...I know all this. We had a very intense and very different connection and he was very open about how he felt about me. two days later, he had to go and make sure he wasn't rushing into a relationship with any resentments towards his ex or any previous exes. he had to think outside the box, he said, and make sure he was ready for this...which he even said the positives would far outweigh the negatives in a relationship with me, and it'd be great, and it'd definintely be long term, and have great potential. his words.
Three frickin weeks and I can't get him out of my head. I have dreams every night about him. i wake up saying "get out of my head!" and I pray every night that if he's not returrning that god give me a frying pan over the head so I know. All I get is dream after dream that he's coming back.
Because I am NOT working now, I have way too much time to think, and because I have very little money to DO anything, I have basically been hostaged in the house the last few days. I'm reading, writing, going on the computer, playing with Kayleigh...but still can't stop thinking about him.
I KNOW what i want, and I want to be with him. I'm absolutely sure of that.
Logically, however, I am convinced this is SO stupid. My heart will NOT shut up. It was NOT like this with Trevor. I mean, I made excuses for Trev, sure, but in my heart I knew it was over. I didn't ever dream of him coming back, nor did I obsess that he would.
It didn't help that today I went out for lunch with Trevor and DD, and talked about Jason, and Trevor agreed that Jason just got scared and needed time. trevor's always been very honest about most things to me, and he'd tell me if he thought this guy was a scuzz who ran off because he din't get action.
I don't want to date ANYONE else, but I don't know how much time to give before I contact him. I said I'd give myself till the end of the month...I know life will be speeding up soon and that a lot of school and house and travel and life things, as well as separation/divorce things will be going on soon. My focus will be on other things...
Shannon+ too much time=INSANITY.
I got a taste of what i really want in someone and that's the hardest thing to let go of. But seriously, i get over things very quickly-I dated someone about 2 weeks after my first love and I split...andreally am basically over Trevor, truly....to sit and listen to him talk about his girlfriend(i just don't like having to write that she has the same name as my daughter, though) and NOT being weirded out by it, tells me that I've really healed there....
Please please, tell me what you think. Even if it's what I don't want to hear, and I don't know what I want to hear right now....tell me. I feel so stuck in this.
What do you all say? I swear I'm as hurt over this as with my separation!
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Keep on keepin' on...
Edited by Coookie (08/08/06 03:53 PM)
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Driving myself CRAZY...ADVICE please....
