and sometimes just thinking about throws me into a what if panic. i have crazy imagination where i can basically be in any situation by just sinking into the thought and it really screws me up a lot (sounds silly right, i think many of you can do it and do the same thing).
a little background before i get into it. i used to do this to "prepare" for an ibs attack on my good days and i'm guessing my stupidity brought this way of thinking into my subconscious. the payout would be, if i was confronted with a terrible situation, i'd be prepared and ready for whatever. boy, i'm an idiot.
so now my biggest fear is just the excitement will be too much and i'll have a awful spasm and panic/anxiety attack. it's happened before gigs and man it's not fun. i'm trying to take a more calm approach by doing the ibs 100 program (on the 13th day) and a mix of antispasmodics. but i'm having an attack now at work and it just triggered this thought again...
i really really really (really) REALLY want this to be gig to be different so i can enjoy myself completely. i guess i'm just posting this to share some of my troubles instead of keeping it to myself in hopes that maybe it could help others feel that they're not the only ones going through the same situation.
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i have a gig in two weeks...
i guess i'm just posting this to share some of my troubles instead of keeping it to myself in hopes that maybe it could help others feel that they're not the only ones going through the same situation.
