You are such a strong person. I wish I could give you a great big hug. You've been through so much and still you're there for people when they need you. Humans are much stronger than they think they are. We find out what we're made of when we get pushed farther than we even could have imagined existed. I hope and wish with all my heart that you are able to regain your health and have the life you want and so deserve. It's probably not worth much, considering how you would like things to be, but maybe it helps to know what an inspiration you are to people and how so many people care about you.
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If you're not dead, you've still got time.