Irritable Bowel Syndrome Message Boards | Making big life changes - fear

Hey guys,

I'm looking for some help from others who are older, wiser, and/or have experienced this in the past.

OVERALL QUESTION: Why is it so hard to make a significant life change when you KNOW sensically it's the right thing to do, but something inside you continues to rail against the change you know you need to make?? Why can't I take the next steps and have peace, instead of tons of misgivings, anxiety and stubborn resistance? How can I get to a healthier view of this situation?

BACKGROUND: I've mentioned this briefly in previous posts, but it appears as though the time has come for me to leave my current job, the only job I've had since graduating college. With this also comes the need for me to move out of my housing - our organization owns "ministry housing" for those on staff. I love my roomies, but having no job at the org. means moving out. So now I lose my roomates too.

For some of you leaving a job and moving may seem like NO BIG DEAL, but for me, who has always loved this place (a non-profit youth organization) and loved my work, it's crazy hard for me to accept and deal with the fact that it's time to go. Probably has something to do with the fact that the "time to go" wasn't chosen by me...but happened TO me. I really feel a sense of loss, or mourning, or something a lot stronger than a simple need to change jobs. The situation(s) leading up to this job change have hurt me, and created bitterness too, so this might play into things.

The reason for the job change - I was Executive Assistant to an Exec. Staff member for 5 years. In May, he left our org. That was really hard for me 'cause I loved having him as a boss (& pastor, and friend). With no one to be assistant to anymore, I was in limbo - the "powers that be" were constructing a new organizational structure and my current position was not in the setup. So...Exec. Director was trying to figure out what to do with me. Hence the limbo time. He and I had conversations about me, what I wanted (more challenge, more authority and autonomy), where I saw myself going. Two very natural (sensical) new positions in our organization were not given to me. One of which was a similar, yet higher-level version of what i'd done for 5 years. He didn't offer me that position for whatever reason. That BURNED me badly. I felt (still feel) undervalued, unappreciated...like Exec. Dir. doesn't feel that I'm worthy of any challenging higher-level position. The one position at our organization that was offered to me as a "replacement" is not one that is of interest, nor does it take into account my previous experience nor skillset really (though there are transferrable skills, of course).

So all variables reasonably should lead me to leave my organization. Counsel from people I trust (mentors, peers, etc.) all have said I should leave before I get really bitter. I've hit the Glass Ceiling where I can't advance any further in the organization. And obviously Exec. Director will not see me in a higher-level role for some reason. Thus - makes sense I go find something else. No big deal, right? WRONG. The prospect of leaving makes me really sad, actually.

Five years ago, I hauled off and moved from the East Coast after college & moved out here to California knowing no one, never having worked in a "corporate" business setting, never having any experience with urban culture (my org works with urban youth). Why this current change, which is nowhere near as dramatic, is so difficult still elludes me.

In my head I know it's the right thing to do to change jobs, and find another place to live. Another housing option would also let me make a clean break from my current org. and better focus on my new "life" at new job. And I know (In my head) that I'll get through this transition eventually.

But I'm terrified of being unhappy. Of moving into a new job somewhere and being miserable, regretting not taking the other position offered to me at my current workplace. Of working through that hard period of transition that I KNOW is coming.

[If you made it this far down the page of my tirade!...] How have you worked through similar situations? I'm a Believer, so you can also offer a faith-based view too, if that's something you feel comfortable doing.

I'm just really muddled, confused, hurting...the whole enchilada. Wanted some input. Hope you can help. Sorry so long - guess you get to read my "diary" in a way!

~ Emily

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East Palo Alto, CA (San Francisco Bay Area/Silicon Valley)

IBS-C, pain, nausea

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