Irritable Bowel Syndrome Message Boards | Shannon here, not complaining today, LOL.

I just wanted you all to know, first of all, I think I'll change my name to just Cookie. right now it's a good reminder that i have to be strong. And eat cookies.LOL!

Anyhow, I didn't reply to each post about trevor the other day, because i was giving some SERIOUS thought to what all of you had said. I think you're all right. It's hard to see the actuality of a situation when you're blinded by love.

Some of you asked if it's him, or just the idea of him, or the idea of being married that I'm in love with.

At this point, I can't honestly answer that. I know he's had moments where he's not a sweet guy, but 90% of our relationship, he's been so kind, so sweet, so stand-up guy. His behaviour right now is totally out of place and unacceptable, don't get me wrong.

BUT...

I feel I do need to say some stuff in his defence now that I have gotten all the junk and gossip out.

*he's a stand up father and has been since the breakup as well.
*he really hasn't EVER said anything negative about me. To me, yes, but not about me. We're both guilty of being unkind TO each other.
*I've never once found kiddie porn-this you NEED to know. I have found stuff with 18 and 17 year old girls, but never ever children. That doesn't make him dating a 17 year old excuseable, or looking at porn excuseable, but he's just not a pedophile. I'd NEVER EVER accept that in my life. my sister was molested by a stepdad back in the day and I have made it a life promise to be hypervigilant.
*He's been an excellent provider, and has always spoiled me on birthdays, Christmas,and other holidays.
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Now all that being said, I know he's dating a 17 year old(and I really really still believe with all I am that he is not having sex with her, and I do know him best, even now) and I know that he's been manipulating me and twisting things to make me feel bad. I know that he's been secretive, and defensive. I know there's major boundaries breached, but I didn't know they were before the breakup. i know he's been very selfish in our marriage, and I know that's not my fault.

I know that if anything ever is to be reconciled, which it may very well not, there have to be some serious changes on his part. maybe mine too.

And I also know that if all else fails, I will be fine,and so will kayleigh. Finding out how much he'd pay in alimony and child support made me feel a bit better. I thought he'd only be giving $500 a month, but we're lookin' at more than double that.

Anyways, ladies and gents, I thank you and I applaud you for helping me sort through this. I also thank you for kicking my a$$ over and over again into seeing reality for what it is. I'm reluctant to take off the rose colored glasses(hence the believing the affair started after we broke up, and that he's not having sex...yet.)they fit so well for me...

And do you mind if I keep leaning on you, or am i getting a little droning?

Love,
Tough Cookie.

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Keep on keepin' on...

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