Ohhh man, I am feeling like it's Day one again.Here's why.
Today started off with me being ambivalent.Whatever, don't care, I'll survive. I know I will either way.
I had booked time to talk to a lawyer/mediator for next Monday, and I was about to see the pastor.
I talked to a pastor for a good 2 hours today and felt way better- and he validated all my assumptions about my life, Trevor's life and said it's possible that Trevor is really lost and that he may come back once he's hit rock bottom. basically he has a hard heart and needs to sort out a lot of stuff.
I got home and told Trevor about this visit.(which by the way was awesome and actually gave me a smile for the first time in three weeks)... he said "Oh, so did you tell him I'm a porn addict? A gambler? An alcoholic? Because that's what you told my mom." He was so mad he couldn't look at me.
I HAD told his mom, who's been a confidant for years, that I considered every angle as to why he's suddenly changed. I told her that these are ideas the counsellor had suggested to me weeks ago. I didn't tell her YES, he's this or that. I asked her if she wanted to hear this twice, and she said yes, and after that I begged her not to tell Trevor.
Trevor said his mom has been sick over it all week. I told him he was so closed off I couldn't tlak to him, so I went to someone who knew him and just bounced ideas off of her.
And he said "well, we'll talk-from my mother's house or from my brother's house"
So I apologized a lot and I do feel bad, and I already apologized to his mom that day for telling her anything she didn't want to hear. I couldn't have predicted her reaction. I don't think she's done this maliciously at all, but this just really upped the ante.
Did this seal my fate with him? he's never said a bad word about me! He doesn't have a right to, until now. What if he uses this against me in court? And I get that I won't talk to friends of his or family about this. I get that. And I really AM sorry. I tend to talk with my heart, not my brain.
Even though I knew this splitup was going to happen, I still had hope we were going to possibly reconcile. How would he trust me after that?
not that I can say I trust him...but now I'm REALLY worried....
--------------------
Keep on keepin' on...
Edited by Tough Cookie, Shan (06/06/06 04:42 PM)
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
Posts
oh I feel horrid...please-weigh in! TIA for replies
