Irritable Bowel Syndrome Message Boards | Re: UPDATE: Everything fell apart

So I really don't feel like writing this, I really don't feel like anything but curling up in bed and staying there, but everyone's been so great they deserve to know what happened, and I've left it long enough already. I'll be as brief as I can, but at least I've explained before I disappear.

We got to Manchester, after a day of stuff going wrong and delays and bad tums, etc. Had about 8 Immodium. Got to hotel about 10.30pm, and was told it was overbooked and we didn't have a room, despite booking a month ago. Turns out there were also no hotels in the city, or even the surrounding towns. The receptionist, J, my parents and his parents spent the next 2 hours on the phone/web trying to find somewhere to sleep. We finally find a room - 40 miles away (original hotel was just 2 miles from the hospital). We drive to new hotel, and of course there's roadworks. We finally get there just before 1am. By this time I've taken a load more Immodium as of course my tum went crackers and the effects of the previous ones wore off. We order room service for J, because he'd intended to eat at the intended hotel's restaurant. Problem after problem, but it finally arrives about 1.45am. We got to bed around 2am.

I've realised by this point I need to take Immodium all night, as my carefully laid plans were completely screwed. So I take 1 and 2 Lomatil before bed, set my alarm for 6am to take 2 more Lomatil, then get up at 7.15 and keep taking them regularly til we leave. It's a fraught journey, with roadworks, and I'm always bad in the morning anyway.

However we get there 15 min early. Next half hour is like a scene out of a comedy sketch show,but I don't have the energy to descirbe it now. Needless to say things carried on going wrong as I scuttled back and forth in and out the toilet.

Anyway, I finally get in to my appointment and all goes well - I'm doing all right diet-wise, he changes my meds, puts my mind at rest at taking as many Immodium as I need (he has patients who take 16 a day just as a maintenance dose, without even having to leave the house), we discuss my history which apparently made me predisposed to IBS and he ends by confirming I am an ideal patient for hypnotherapy.

Then BANG. The world disappears from under my feet, and my hope and optimism is ripped away. He says "Yes, definitely an ideal candidate for hypnotherapy, but of course unfortunatley there is a 9 month waiting list..." NINE MONTH WAITING LIST??!!! Turns out my original 4 month waiting list was just for this initial consultation, it's a further 9 months until my first session.

Not only do I not feel like I can get through another 9 months like this, another summer trapped, housebound, in my house while everyone lives and enjoys life outside, but this will also mean I have to do my sessions in the winter - when the roads between Manchester and Sheffield are frequently closed, and conditions treacherous. And I won't get into a car in snow now, after the accident I had earlier this year.

All my hope and strength has gone. The adrenilin kept me going yesterday, and after a 4 hour trip home (should be 1.5, but traffic) just vegged in front of the tv, with a hot water bottle at my back and stomach for the pain. I cried myself to sleep, but woke up lots during the night and cried some more. Stayed in bed this morning til noon, and even now just curled up on sofa in my dressing gown, all greasy hair shiny skin, but don't care. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do, this is all that has been keeping me going for months, and it was hard enough making it through 4 months, but another 9 is unbearable.

I was depressed before, but now I can't even describe how I feel. Everyone's being great, trying to be positive, but they can't really understand how I feel, this is just one stress too far.

Everyone on here has also been great, and so supportive (particularly Nat, thanks for your texts darlin, they really helped), so I just wanted to explain. I need to, er, I don't even know what I need to do. I'm all cried out, now just feel numb, like I'm walking around in a trance. Jamie's leaving work early to come be at home with me.

It's all unbelievable. I've had so much bad luck over the past couple of years, and I really felt like this was my chance to turn it all around. Why did I even bother thinking something good might happen? I must have been truly evil in a past life.

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