This isn't really too embarassing, but kinda funny. My friend was giving me a lift home and about half way through the trip, I'm like, "Oh, [expletive]. I don't think I'm gonna make it!"
There's nowhere to stop and we're both trying to make idle conversation while I'm trying to clench my butt as hard as I can. I'm clenching so hard that I coulda cracked a walnut with my cheeks. My hips are thrust forward and I'm pretty much doing a variation of male kegel exercises. It's funny how the urgency of the situation puts things in perspective: every red light, every car, every speed limit sign becomes the enemy - preventing me from reaching my porcelain destination.
Finally, I arrive at my apt, briskly make my way to the elevators, doing the "diarrhea dance" all the way up to the 14th floor...
...I begin walking to my door and then burst into an all out sprint. I being fumbling for my keys, panic begins to set in. By divine grace I get the key in the lock without hesitation, door flies open, coat is ripped off my back and flung to the floor, belt is thrown across the living room, shirt is torn off and lying in the sink. Stomach is spasming wildly; voluntary control is fading.
Not even fully seated, the digestive system realizes "meh, he's close enough" and I manage to just make it. Barely. About 250 milliseconds away from buying new pants.
/Sigh
I'm pretty sure we've all been there before, but sometimes it helps to know that you're not the only one. 
Regards,
EvilCats
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Re: Most Embarassing IBS Stories
