I was so sad when I read your post...I'm so sorry to hear that you're hurting the way you are I know the feeling...it sounds very similar to what I go through, I often have recurrent suicidal thoughts (and also have a small pharmacy in my home) and they scare me. I don't *think* I would ever act on them but they are often there.
I would definately see a doctor ASAP. What you're experiencing isn't normal....it could be manic depression or it could be some other things. I'm personally not manic depressive but have another similar diagnosis and it's important that you get diagnosed and get treatment (this coming from a girl who can't seem to get treatment).
Also, I think the post-partum depression thing is definately something to look at as well, that can make you feel terrible and certainly cause problems. Maybe even have a whole hormone profile done to make sure nothing is seriously out of whack because even that can make you feel not like yourself (as I'm gradually learning).
Anyways, hang in there...and like Amanda said you have tons of people who love and support you on here...and I guarantee you that Will would not be better without you (no one would be). That's the trap I fall into all the time as well...and Scott always tells me that's the most painful thing for him to hear because he couldn't stand it if something happened to me. I think sometimes we just are feeling so down and so lousy that we end up with tunnel vision and don't think about all the people who love and care about us and would miss us if we were gone.
Hang in there and email me anytime if you need to chat
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Re: Question about being manic depressive
I know the feeling...it sounds very similar to what I go through, I often have recurrent suicidal thoughts (and also have a small pharmacy in my home) and they scare me. I don't *think* I would ever act on them but they are often there.
