I know a couple of girls here have issues with this and I'm wondering what exactly your symptoms are/were? If you don't feel comfortable talking so public, please email me, its in my profile. I'm asking because I'm wondering if I'm having some issues here as well.
I've always had ups and downs but I'm sure most people do. Some days I seem to do just ok. I can enjoy the sunshine, sing along with the radio in the car and have fun with Harley. Other days, I'm sooo down, its all I can do to function at work. Physically, I'm feeling pretty bad at the moment and yesterday it was all I could do to be nice to people when they came in. I had to put forth a LOT of effort to be with people (I work in an eye doctors office.) One of my girlfriends stopped by and I just wanted her to leave, I couldn't find anything to say because all I wanted to do was cry and say how miserable I was. I wanted until I got home and I just told Will I was having a really bad day and just wanted to curl up in my chair with Harley. I went to bed at 8pm and laid there for 2 hours thinking really bad thoughts. I was thinking of what I would write in good bye letters if I were to just go to sleep and never wake up again. I have a small pharmacy at home and I just couldn't stop thinking about how nice it would be to just go to sleep and never wake up, to never have to deal with the pain, the depression, people, my lack of accomplishments, my dysfunctional family, my lack of health, on and on and on. I get like this a few times a month, at least.
I've talked to my therapist about it a few months ago but I think she just thought I was having a bad day or something. I've not really ever told Will because I feel like such a burden on him as it is. He has said, a number of times though, that my moods seem to be either very high or very low. This has been going on for the last couple of years. More so since losing the twins and getting so sick. I used to keep going by the sheer will of wanting a child so badly. Now, I still want a child but I'm not as sure, I can't help but to think something in the universe in telling me I shouldn't be a mommy for whatever reason. And, I'm just not at all healthy enough right now and I'll be 36 soon so the ole biological clock is ticking, loudly.
I don't know if this is just run of the mill depression or if its something more serious. I'm already on 100mg of zoloft and xanax as needed. If I am manic depressive, what would they do? Am I just hormonal and blowing this way out of proportion? Do other people think like this? 
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Question about being manic depressive
