Irritable Bowel Syndrome Message Boards | Re: Ok wise ones, SERIOUS advice needed (for a friend) -LONG

I have been where she is, but with no family and friends around. I was a single Mom for a few years, with no plans of meeting anyone. I have also been on the other side, watching friends go through this. Her baby comes first. How and who she lives wiht will affect everything - attitudes about women, men and relationships, how to make friends, how to behave socially, values, and even trust of his/her Mom - that the baby will become. She is better off alone and scared with support than together in a relationship that is at best neglectful and disrespectful, and possibly leaning toward abusive. So is her baby. And honestly, if she never meets "the man", she's still better off.

As for leaving while he is out of town, I would. Especially if he is withholding affection, unsupportive and neglectful, she may find that as a person used to being in control, he is very NOT fond of the idea of HER deciding to leave. If she is strong enough to tell him face to face, I would tell her to do it in a relatively public area, although privately, and with some backup support close by (ie: a quiet restaurant and have a family member or friend waiting in a car) after she picks up her things while he is gone.

whether he is neglectful, abusive, or jsut apathetic, the support will be there emotionally and physically, and she will need it. it is a very ahrd thing to leave, even when it is best for everyone.

One note: If she decides to stay, she'll need her friends support as much as a single Mom, and it's a lot harder to watch that struggle (as a friend) than the end of a relationship.

good luck to her and to you, both!

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Beth
IBS - D

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