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I wasn't aware that you had breast cancer. I'm not sure how much you are comfortable talking about it, but I hope you're doing well now. I understand that need to apologize, take responsibility for being sick, and you're right - it is a strange reaction and I wonder why we do that? I'm doing very well now, thank you - Memorial Day Weekend this year will be 7 years since my last round of mainstream treatment. Heather or no Heather, we open a bottle of champagne every year.

I imagine the problem would be exacerbated by not having a diagnosis. Yep. This past week, just letting myself think that I might have fibro, I've felt a lot better, more at peace with myself. Again, this is something else I don't understand, except that it gives me some control back. Instead of saying, "I don't know," I might actually be able to give an answer when asked why I'm tired/sore/stiff, etc. It will be good for you to have a diagnosis. And, in the best of all possible worlds, I hope that diagnosis turns out to be something easily fixable - say, a rare condition resulting from a shortage of Vitamin Q3.

I'm constantly told to think positively. Easier said than done when you feel so ill. I don't feel guilty when I have negative thoughts, but I feel disappointed and foolish when I'm being positive and upbeat and still feel bad. I believe placing so much importance on such things is mostly superstition and is mostly done so people around you don't feel bad/guilty. Superstition. Want an interesting word/concept. I'd never thought about it that way. As for not wanting others around you to feel bad/guilty, oh, yeah, I understand that.

Oh, control is definitely an issue for me too! Lol. I always want to find an answer/cause and solve the problem. I always want evidence, logical conclusions, etc, which is pretty obvious when you see some of my replies on the IBS Diet board. Yes, I do see that in your Diet Board replies and I think it's a great trait, especially when combined with compassion as it it in you. Being somewhat (ahem) that way myself, it's hard to accept that sometimes there's no answer and sometimes even when there is an answer, it doesn't lead to a problem being fixed. I'm not terribly religious, but I remember reading something once that has always stuck with me: God always answers our prayers. It's just that, sometimes, the answer is "No".

Realizing the importance of the control issue was helpful in learning not to beat myself up. Another helpful realization was that if my experiences had happened to someone else, to a friend, I would never have thought she was a failure. And if she told me that's how she was thinking about herself, I'd tell her she was way off base. Sand, you're brilliant! Well, I've told people repeatedly that Maria will always give people the straight story, so, if you insist... Thank you for your answer and for reminding me that I need to be treating myself as I would a friend. I do need to relax when it comes to issues of control, expectations, and acceptance. Something else that's easier said than done, but definitely worth attempting, in my opinion. I really appreciate having you on the boards and respect what you have to say. Thanks, Maria. I feel exactly the same way about you. "With all the rubbish people keep sticking in my head, it's a wonder that there's room for my brain." (Spike, Lies My Parents Told Me) Great quote!

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