Oh Michele -
My husband and I have had to deal with this type of situation. The health reasons, the money.....it is hard.
My husband's two best friends have been doing very well financially for the past 6 years and we have not been at all! We are very happy for them and for their successes, but we simply cannot afford the type of entertainment, vacations and presents that they can.
A few years ago, they had this "brilliant" idea for the 6 of us (3 couples) to go stay at a cabin together. We split the cost of the cabin and the food. I'll spare all of the awful side details, but let's just say that it was a disaster for us financially and we went into debt over it. My husband was too ashamed and embarassed to admit that we simply could not afford it. So we had to pay off credit cards for a while because of it.
Additionally, my husband and I had our chronic health issues flare up (probably due to the stress of it all) and caused problems for us the entire time and the other couples were not understanding at all. Their irritation was very apparent and it was tense. I spent most of the vacation in the bathroom with IBS-D.
I stay at home with our children. It is a huge sacrifice for us financially, but we have decided that it is the best for our family. We don't go out to eat, we have only one car, we don't go see movies, we don't buy the latest fashions......we are trying to focus on our family instead as best we can.
All of our friends have both spouses working, make lots of money, go out to eat all the time, have fancy new cars, wear designer clothes.....which is great! I am glad that they are enjoying themselves. BUT, they just don't understand where my husband and I are coming from and it has definately strained our relationships. I have a feeling that they might not last over the next few years. We simply cannot keep up with their chosen lifestyles.
Quite frankly, if we lose these friendships because we cannot have dairy laden cuisine that makes my IBS flare with them every week in our new palatial home and drink fancy wine while cruising the bay on our yacht....then I suppose they really don't care about US, they care about their "connections". It is sad, but I feel it happening.
If our friends really love us, they will be willing to work together for mutually fun and affordable activities. If they really love us, they will want to understand our IBS and help us feel better and thrive.
Just my two cents!
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Re: Need some advice about friends
