Hi Pretty Lady!
This sounds all too familiar. Before I was diagnosed with IBS, I had the WORST attack I've ever had over an impending weekend of two social events I did NOT want to attend. I couldn't understand why I was so cramped up all weekend; I just assumed I had some kind of strange stomach flu.
I DREADED going to these two parties, just DREADED it, but they were commitments I could not get out of because they involved my office and my boss. One was Saturday night, the other was the next day, a Sunday BBQ at the boss' home. DAMN!
I was totally unaware that my "stomach flu" was simple anxiety over the events themselves, nothing more. It turned out I survived the Saturday night event by experiencing unending cramps and "D" all night long and constantly excusing myself to run to the bathroom. The BBQ the next day was tough because it was a repeat of the evening before, and it was very draining on me.
Suddenly, when the BBQ was almost over, and my commitments almost fulfilled, I recall standing in the back yard, talking with an office friend, while holding my BBQ chicken and potato salad in my hands, the cramps just drained right down my body, through my legs, and into the ground. I WAS FREE! What a sensation!
I since make a little rule for myself. I never attend anything anymore that I do not want to attend, because I know the anticipation will build up and cause me another excruciating attack.
I do not see how you could possibly have a good time, given the conditions you've stated. I would very politely "bow out," and if your friends are TRULY friends, they will accept it. They may not understand it, but it's a fair-weather friend who would write you off just because of something so trivial. And who needs THAT? Do you really want so-called friends like them?
Your health comes first. Oh, and by the way, don't be too hard on them for not having done more when you went through such a hard time. You said it yourself, "none of them really understood what you went through," and I don't truly believe that they "didn't really seem to be too interested in knowing." I think people don't know what to say and how to support others in times of terrific grief.
On the other hand, I do recall when I had major surgery and my best friend never bothered to visit me, either in the hospital or at home recooperating afterwards. It was a major clue that I did not heed: she was NOT a friend, and I unfortunately didn't catch on until years later. Sometimes it pays to listen to those clues. I wish I had.
Michele, do not worry about losing what may or may not be a friend. You have a lot going for you. Be true to YOURSELF first. The other will follow.
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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