I don't know you, and there's probably little I could say to make you feel better - only time and healing can do that (and love! Can't forget about love!).
I can say I feel for you, and could I give you a big hug right now, I would. It seems like you have tried so hard and have a certain passion within you to be a good, loving mom. And someday, you will be, either for a child of your own, or an adopted child (and there are so many out there who need loving and caring families).
So, ****HUGS***** to ya, and I'll keep you in my thoughts as you go through this difficult time.