The Krispy Kremes did not move me this morning.

As little as four weeks ago, I may have eaten two of those evil delights offered by a generous coworker at the staff meeting, but today was different. I didn't even care that they were there. The thought of them even made me a little sick.

I was diagnosed with Irritable Bowel Syndrome [I.B.S.] a few weeks ago, after several weeks of feeling sick from literally every meal I'd eaten. What began as an extremely puzzling and painful experience has turned out to be a blessing that I've been waiting to find for years.

I'm not saying that this experience has been pleasant. Do I want this? No! I love to eat. I love to cook. I don't want to have to care so deeply about every bite I take. I don't want to have to exclude certain foods that will debilitate me for a couple of days, if eaten. I love dairy. I love fried crap. I always loved beef. Then again, that's always been my problem too. It's almost as if a new problem has become the solution to a very old one. Nature can be so cruel, so powerful and so, so right. This species called humanity thinks it is so smart. Consider me humbled.

Upon receiving the diagnosis, I did what I always do when faced with an obstacle: throw myself into research mode. I borrowed a book from a friend who suffers from the same affliction – Eating for I.B.S. – and it changed my perception of the disorder. This doesn't have to be such a bad thing! If I can just learn how to change my perception of "good" food, and eat in a way that my body truly needs, then I'm golden. It's practically a new lease on life! I see this disorder as my body's way of saying, "Okay, if you can't do what's right for me by your own will, then I will make you do what's right."

I've lost ten pounds over Thanksgiving – ten pounds lighter during a period of time when people tend to get heavier. I care more about eating a balanced breakfast in the morning than I do about hair and makeup. I care more about my fiber supplements than I do Krispy Kremes. I've lost a taste for most meat [especially the red kind], and I've actually chosen steamed items on menus, rather than fried – effortlessly, without even a temptation - it's just not in me anymore to eat "the old way."

I wish that becoming sick didn't have to happen as a means to force me into wiser choices. I wish that I'd had that amazing ability to naturally think like a thin person, but the truth is, that ability had left me long ago, when the palatable pleasure principle overrode my instincts. It is what it is, and sometimes, I feel shame for becoming so very out of touch with my body. Then again, I always find a way to come back around, to overcome and to ultimately achieve success in everything that I set out to do. [It's what I do]. In my weakness – in this disorder – my body actually has given me the willpower to listen and to choose right. In my weakness, I have been made strong.

I still love food. I still love to cook. I love it that I'm an adventurous eater and a damn fine cook! The truth is, I still can cook and enjoy food! I can have exotic spices in my foods – it doesn't have to be nothing but chicken and rice. I can have so, so many types of foods, but what I cannot have are the foods that have been chipping away at my health and taking years off of my life for a very long time anyway. My instincts always knew it, but I didn't listen...so my body has seen fit to whip me into shape. I will not just overcome this affliction, this affliction will help me to evolve.

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-NiNi

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