Re: For Ruchie.. Anxiety expertise...
11/08/05 03:02 PM
Hi there Ashley!
So...my therapist specializes in EMDR and abuse cases. At least that's how my insurance co. classfied her. On her card it says: MSSA, LCSW. What does all that mean
Today I went to the grocery store. This is SO DIFFICULT! I have to have the right outfit (I don't own too much clothing cause we don't have much money...and if I don't look "just so" thin wise I freak out...esp. when I'm not stable on meds). BUT i went today anyway, YAY!
Walking the dog. Which I NEED to do daily, at least once. MAJOR scare! Any man that looks my way makes me want to RUN away crying and screaming (I guess an abusive past doesn't help huh?) I plan to go walk her when I finish writing this. Then I'll come back and tell my cheerleaders *hugs*
Ok, ok. Today i went to the store and I will wak my dog. I also need to go to ANOTHER store. I will TRY but I will NOT put pressure on myself to do so. (Btw, I don't just have social anxiety! I get anxious about even doing dishes Which I also need o do today...).
This week I will try, every day, to walk our dog for TEN mins daily. Next week for 15 mins. I think that is all I can do for now...G-d be with me ! !
Feel the fear and do it anyway...and also If you want to hear G-d laugh, tell Him all your plans. The 1st one is obvious (thanks Tina aka Sara Sage). The one about hearing G-d laugh, thanks Cara, is a reminder to me that G-d is in control, not me. This is soothing for me (plus the quote just rocks!)
I get anxious because I feel like everyone is better than me. I have no value and everyone else in the wolrd is SO SPECIAL, and beautiful and smart and courageous, etc. This is the worst of course when my meds don't work. (I hope the new dose kicks in SOON!!)
Going to a b-day party for ex: No one will like me. I'm friendly, but stupid. Kinda pretty, but a ditz at parties (cause I'm so anxious). i will spill my drink. Have a manic epidose and laugh for no reason and embarass myself and hubby...you get the point.
Yes, they are that bad. All this has happened. BUT i'm not sure poeple see me as stupid...never took a poll I def. do think people can tell I'm anxious. I give off werird vibes or something. But I haven't died from the experience...so I guess it's not the end of the world? The best case scenario was when I was a kid and I didn't want to go to a party cause I thought no one liked me and I had a BLAST...so I guess you don't unless you go. And you can always leave right?
I LOVE the happy place 9think Phoebe on F.R.I.E.N.D's!) idea...go to your happy place I'l have to try that, THAKNS!
I also like mapping out a plan, increasing positive self statements, and R.E.I (the last one mentioned!) WOw. Ashley, you've given me a LOT to think about! ! !
Thank you a million times *hugs*
(oy, I think I'm on my way up...aka high! Any ideas on how to stop this?)
Love you tons *hugs* And thanks for e-mailing do I would see this post faster!!!
Formerly known as Ruchie