I need some advice...I normally don't air my dirty laundry on the boards and am a pretty private person...but I respect everyone on the boards very much and therefore want your opinions....
My mother and I do not get along or much less speak. My childhood was filled with mental and verbal abuse to the point of my seeking councellor for much of my teenage years after my parents divorce. My dad stuck out the marriage because he knew if he asked for a divorce then (24 years ago) he would not have gotten custody and our lives would have been awful.
I have alot of respect and admiration for my father as he stuck out his crappy life to save his children.
Anyways - my mother and I have never had a relationship. She has been in and out of mental institutes threatening suicide - I would go rushing into see her for her to say "Your lucky it never happened or you would only have yourself to blame"
Anyways - this year is the first year I have took a stand and decided to NOT speak to her. She is pure evil and causes me emotional issues which bleeds into problems with my husband. Since I have not spoken with my mother, my husband and I have had a wonderful relationship.
Christmas is coming up soon enough and already I am fighting with myself. I honestly do not want to subject myself to the torment of plastering on a fake smile and sitting there with her for another fake Christmas.
However, she has ruined so many Christmas' for us when we were small that I know what it felt like to hurt on Christmas and don't want to bring that feeling onto anyone.
I try with every ounce of my being to be a good person and help people, but I just have gotten to the point where I don't want to help her anymore.
Do you all think I am wrong for feeling like this? I want to be a good person, but honestly don't feel like she is worth my efforts.
My sister is having a baby in November and my mom has never called her yet to see how she is feeling or doing. And my sister did call her and tell her she was pregnant.
I have not called her or anything to tell her I am pregnant. I just don't want to share this news with her.
NOTE: I don't want anyone to pity me. I am not an overly religious person, but I do believe that god put me in this situation to learn from. I will be everything my mother was not...and I will prove that I am better than her.
I just want to know if anyone else would go to Christmas.
Edited to add: This is the first time since I have been on the boards that I have actually "aired" my complete family issues. I have mentioned we have some, but never to this extent. I am very nervous and hope no one judges me for talking about this. I hope I haven't offended anyone.
-------------------- Lana_Marie
Proud Mommy to Bentley Taylor
Born May 12, 2004 9lbs, 3oz
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I need some advice...would you go to Christmas? Sorry -quite long!
