I know this must be exhausting for you---and it is difficult on a marriage. (I remember all too well!) Personally, I think it's time for you to back off and take a break. I'm not saying you should never try again, but for now, honey, you need to not be trying so hard. You are physically and mentally drained, and I don't think it's worth it for you to feel like you don't want to go on.
I know you probably don't want to hear this, but maybe you should look into adoption. That's not saying you have to give up trying to get pregnant. You may end up with babies both ways, like a good friend of mine did. She tried for years to get pregnant, couldn't, adopted two beautiful children----and then ended up getting pregnant twice. Now she has 4 precious children and she couldn't be happier!
I think right now you are so caught up with trying to "make a baby" that you forget that your ultimate goal is to be a mother. Whether you carry that baby in your tummy or get it from someone else who cannot parent a child, there is no difference. In the end, you will have a family! You will be the one to care and love that child, tuck it into bed at night, help them with their homework, and (hopefully, see them off to college!)
My heart hurts for you because I know what you're going through. It is devastating month after month to try so hard and not be able to do what every other woman in the world seems to do so naturally. I don't know why some women have to suffer like this.
But I think it's time for you to take a break. Regroup.....go on that vacation. Do all those things with your husband that you will not be able to do once a baby comes into your life. Laugh again, enjoy your husband and the relationship you two have, and see where life takes you.
Life is too short for you to be so upset about this all the time. I'm confident that things will work up for you (one way or the other) in the long run, but right now, you need to get yourself over this hump.
We've all followed you through this journey, and we'll be here for you, no matter what. You're gonna make it! Hang in there.
((((Big hug))))
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Michele
