I'm having a really hard day. My Re's appt this morning didn't go well. I'm having yet another "mystery" cycle. I had a 14, a 12, and two 9mm follicles on Friday. I continued the gonal-f injections over the weekend and was hoping I'd be ready to do the hcg trigger shot tonight and iui tomorrow and Wednesday. Well, my follicles are gone. I had two 8mm this morning. I'm still waiting on my estrogen blood test and for the RE to call me. The gonal-F should have prevented me from ovulating until the trigger shot and they can usually see the collasped follicle on ultrasound if you did ovulate recently. They didn't see any collasped follicles this morning and I didn't "feel" ovualtion at all either. Neither one of the two nurses or the ultrasound tech has any explanation of what happened, again. But, I think its a safe bet I won't be doing the scheduled iui tomorrow and Wednesday and I don't even think I have any chance at all of getting pregnant this cycle, again.
This is causing a LOT of strain on my marriage. I'm tired of all the shots and hormones and appointments and dissapointment. I don't know how much more I can endure. However, I just can't imagine not having a child either. Nothing feels right. My life feels useless and I'm unhappy. I can't stop crying and feel like I just can't deal with one more single thing. I feel like if I went to sleep and never woke up, it would be ok. I don't think I'm sucidial but I just don't have the streagnth, energy or desire to get up everyday and pretend everything is ok.
I'm tired of feeling sick. I'm tired of something always hurting. I'm tired of complaining. I don't want to be this person. I just want to feel some peace and some happiness. But I just don't feel like I ever will.
-------------------- Taking it one day at a time.....
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When is it time to give up?
