I am sorry you are struggling like you are. I don't have any answers for you, but I just wanted to say that so many of us have felt the same things you are feeling. It is so hard to live like this, especially when others seem to have no problem at all. It doesn't seem fair at all, does it?
I want you to know that you are not alone. I too am struggling with why my life is like this.
Beth, we are here for you---to listen and to pray for you. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Please hang in there! We love having you on the boards. You have given so many others advice and counsel. Now it is time for us to give you a big hug.