I usually don't send out a prayer request for myself, but I am in great need of one tonight. I will probably regret posting this, tonight, I have no ability to keep it inside.
I don't know how to even explain it all, as I am just overwhelmed and don't even know if I can get all my thoughts together.
I am feeling very depressed and hopeless....just wanting all this to end. I am overwhelmed with trying to maintain a FT job, having less than poverty level income, a very stressful and noisy apartment where there is no piece of mind or a place to just be calm...a place that drives me crazy with anxiety, trying to find the time to exercise or do the activities I need to do in order to help the constipation....
I am in pain every second of everyday and after 10 months of trying to get relief from symptoms....I just can't and I don't know what I am doing wrong. I can't figure out my trigger foods or what I should take or use to become stable. I can't fathom living in this pain and with these severe symptoms for the rest of my life. I would honestly rather just die. How can I function in this life when I am in in such debilitating physical pain every day?  My tummy hurts so bad...I have such bloating, gas, cramps, constipation. How do I cope with life when all my energy is zapped by my chronic pain?
I have no family that is willing to support me emotionally or financially. I don't know how I can keep going on with all this emotional and physical pain.
My doctor offers me no suggestions on any of my "abnormal" tests that have been done (delayed gastric emptying, a slow functioning Gallbladder, inconsistand gluten antibodies). He tells me to do whatever I want and to take Zelnorm or not take it. To eat gluten or not eat it. I need help and guidance and answers.
I need some relief from all this pain I have. Why won't this diet work for me?????? I try so hard. I'm so tired of waking up in the morning to this non stop physical pain, the depression, and anxiety so high I feel like I am going to have a nervous breakdown. The anxiety never goes away because the pain never goes away!
I just want some relief and I have lost hope that I will ever be at peace with my anxiety or that I will ever have a day without this severe, severe pain.
I want this to all go away. I want to go away. Why is God punishing me???? Why won't He take away some of my pain....emotional or physical. Together, the physical and emotional pain are killing me...I cannot live with this chronic pain. My belly hurts so much...I always hurt. Nothing makes the pain better. I so tired.
My apartment is in disaray, I can't perform "normal" activities without great anxiety (shopping, cooking, cleaning, making hair appointments...all the responsibilities that an adult has) because I am in so much physical pain...or so overwhelmed with EVERYTHING. The thought of all that is going on makes me want to crawl in a hole...no, I'm already in the deep whole, being buried down.
Please, if you pray, pray for me...for the strength to bare this pain, for the pain to go away, or for God to take me away.
Maybe I'll just go to bed for the night and end this day...problem is, tomorrow will be just as bad, and the day after, and the day after...until I am old, alone in a nursing home, and still in pain. How did my life turn into this mess? Never would I have imagined that this would be my life.
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~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!
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I'm really struggling tonight
